Loving sex doesn't make you a slut

in womenspeakout •  8 months ago


image credit: Isabelle Lauren

There is nothing wrong with loving sex. At all. Whether you are a man or a woman, no one should be shamed for loving sex. Having lots of sex doesn't make you a slut. Having lots of sex doesn't make women loose. Can we please stop with the slut shaming?

Double standard

Society holds men and women to different standards when it comes to sex. Men are praised for having a raging libido and having lots of partners. The toxic masculinity tells men that their conquests in the bedroom are all that counts. How many women have you scored? is not an uncommon question between men. Somehow society reveres men who have a lot of sex. Those men are successful and to be aspired to.

Women, on the other hand, are shamed when they have a lot of sexual partners. Slut, whore, loose woman are words flung at these women. Somehow a woman is seen as less "pure" when she has had sex with a lot of men. Female virginity is still seen as the greatest virtue in many countries and even in more "progressive" Western societies, being a virgin before marriage is still seen as an asset.

Cheating

The same double standard applies when it comes to cheating. When a man cheats, it is often glossed over, or worse: blamed on the woman. The man was "led astray" by a "homewrecker". Wives are expected to forgive their philandering husbands, take them back or stand by them in the case of public figures. Women, on the other hand, are not as easily forgiven when they cheat. In some countries they can face the death penalty, but even in our Western society, a woman who cheats on her husband is vilified and branded as a slut. Some men try to justify this by arguing that women are incapable of having casual sex and therefore it is worse when they cheat (as they are then necessarily in love with the man they cheated with?), but that is utter nonsense and another result of the toxic masculinity men grow up with.

Mixed messages

Society punishes women who embrace their sexuality and are sexually active. The ridiculous term loose woman is bandied about to warn women that their vaginas somehow become loose from having a lot of sex. As if the vagina isn't a miraculously stretchy channel which can push out a 10lbs baby and tighten back to its normal size. The idea of loose vaginas due to lots of sex is put forth also to instill in men a dislike for sexually active women, as tight vaginas are the pinnacle of perfection and purity. Utter rubbish used to subdue women's sexual appetites. We as women are taught that men like virgins and we are punished time and again if we dare express our love for sex.

BUT! Once you are married, women are expected to suddenly develop a overactive appetite for sex. Suddenly we have to be "available" for our husbands at all times, ready to meet his needs. If we still keep ourselves pure and don't want sex a lot, then we are all of a sudden "frigid" and our husbands can be excused for cheating on us. So society gives us mixed messages: before marriage we have to be pure and not have any sexual desires, but once married we need to be available for sex all the time.

Embrace your sexuality

Women, embrace your sexuality. We can not let society dictate how we should behave sexually. Our bodies are not only for the enjoyment of men and men cannot tell us what to do. Not that it is only men who do the slut shaming. Misogyny is engrained in society and both men and women have a skewed idea of how women should behave. There is nothing wrong with loving sex. Sex is amazing and we need to move to a world where men and women have equal agency over their bodies and sexuality. Stopping slut shaming is a good step towards putting an end to rape culture.

Check out some of my other feminist posts:

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I'd like to point out that the double standard thing is also quite harmful to men. Men are conditioned that they should always want sex, which is terrible. It took a lot of effort for me to realize this, and be able to say no. To understand I need an emotional connection to enjoy sex, and it's ok for me to say no if there isn't one.

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Yes, that is absolutely true, which is why I mentioned toxic masculinity. And that double standard is also why men are sometimes intimidated by women who have a more active libido than them. They feel that they should always be hornier than women and that it's a failure if they don't feel like sex one night.

1000% all of this wonderful post!! Love it! Up voted, resteemed, followed this made my day, thanks for the rant🦄🦄🦄

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I am so glad you like this post, I can get a little ranty sometimes on the topic of double standards. I don't care if you think people should "save themselves for marriage" but often these people want women to save themselves for marriage whereas the men can sleep around all they want.

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I agree its infuriating! I'm not a proponent of waiting for the state or church to sanction sex but you see this double slandered attached to everything sexual, having seen "inside the locker room" I can tell you the attitude runs very deep and needs to be ranted and raved and yelled about until there's no more problems, you rant whenever it hits you, I love it!!! 🦄🦄🦄

Nothing to add :-)

Prayer hands emoji. That's all I got here. Keep doing this great work, friend.

Keep writing these, please! They're adding to the massive healing I've been doing my whole life around this subject. However, after pushing out a baby, the vagina sadly does not return to its previous size. Close, but not quite. Never so "tight" again. Of course, I think we deserved to be fucking WORSHIPPED for giving birth, for this miracle of life that changes everything about us as women. Yeah. I have way too much to say about this, and will stop before I write an entire post in your comments, but hope you can feel the gratitude. More healthy sex-talk is one of many things the world needs!

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I am so happy that my articles touch you, it's comments like these that keep me writing.
Of course you are right that the vagina doesn't completely go back to its normal state after childbirth, but the principle still stands: vaginas are amazing and won't stretch from having a lot of sex. And yes, women should be worshipped for going through pregnancy and childbirth. (I feel a blog post coming on...)