Bucketing societal expectations or just reeking of narcissism?

Here's the thing. When I was in my 20s, I had a few moments where I railed against "the system", annoyed that people expected me to take any pride in my appearance.

I didn't want to shave and got all gross and scraggly, I let my hair grow out and look stupid, I wore poorly fitting clothes and just didn't really make an effort at all.

And I justified some of this by pretending I was some kind rebel, bucking societal expectations, because I was above all of that.

People shouldn't care what I look like, after all, they should care about the "real me". It's just shallow bullshit to judge someone by their appearance, right?

But as a result of this attitude, I had trouble getting dates, and I was probably really off-putting in some of those times to prospective clients or employers. I don't know how often I also smelled bad, but I'm sure it was greater than zero times.

In any case, the attitude was dumb because all I was really doing was giving off a vibe of carelessness and unhealthiness. I was disheveled, and people who didn't know me would (reasonably) assume that I applied the same level of apathy to other areas of my life.

Women obviously hated it, and while I never "asked for their opinion", I still suffered as a result of their opinions anyway.

Fortunately, it didn't take me forever to drop those notions, because as someone who isn't ripped, isn't all that tall, who started losing hair at 25 or whatever, and who is too introverted to be the life of the party, I really couldn't afford to make my situation worse.

This whole thing reeks of narcissism, and in the end, it's a gross attitude -- regardless of whether or not you think it's gross in general.