What I'll Do When I Become A Whale (satire)

Image source: SketchPort

I am going to be a whale soon. How do I know it? Well, I have no idea. Anyway, as per @mermaidvampire’s instructions for her Writing Contest: What Would You Do If You Were A Steemit Whale?, here are the things I’m going to do when I become a whale.

1. Make Impact

I know everyone would talk about the impact they are going to make when they become whales and all. You hear of how they’ll remember their days of little beginnings and try to lift someone up. Well, that’s not me. I am going to make impact, but you need to ask where.

First, I am going to focus on fellow whales/dolphins whose posts can assure me of cool curation rewards. I know there are planktons out there who could use a dollar or two. Well, that’s their business. There’s an exception though: my close associates are going to be on my 100% autovote. Everyone else can try their luck at number two

2. Avoid Asslicking

I honestly wish I had a polite word for that, but it’s what it is. Anyway, I hate asslicking. Forget that on my way to the top, I must have done a bit of that. Hell, it is all going to stop. My upvote is meant to benefit everyone, regardless of whether they are asslicking or not. How am I going to achieve this?

Well, I am going to search out the most profitable bid bot and delegate to them. That way, if you want a share of my upvote, you don’t need to try to curry favour from me. You simply use the bid bot. So if you are not a fellow whale or a member of my inner circle, you still have a way to benefit from my whale voting power. Isn’t that wonderful?

3. Try Not To Be Drake

Remember Drake’s God’s Plan video? I mean the one where he went round surprising folks? Well, I think that was cool, really cool. It’s possible I once pushed an empty cart for hours at a popular mall over here in Nigeria, hoping one of the celebrities would appear and do something of that nature.

Well, that was Drake and this is me. don’t expect me to go round trying to be another Drake. If you comment frequently on my posts, make valuable inputs and all… well, good for you. don’t expect me to surprise with some upvote or even a comment on your post. Nah, it won’t happen.

All right, that’s about all for now. Remember I’m on my whale to becoming a whale and would really need your support. Hey, a delegation would go a long way too.

See you at the top (as fellow whales), or at the receiving end of my upvote after paying to some bid bot.

Hopefully, some whale would come around and upvote this. If not, well….