RE: "Plain Jane McClain" - We-Write #14: At the Club
A very unusual take at the theme I should say. Even though nowadays it might be not so unusual when we hear about cases like this in the news. Also, I liked how you've hit on all the clues in the prompt.
Nice and short. The compliments of "@owasco's editing tips I gathered. That's great.
Something that was culturally revealing...
Accountants were supposed to be boring, but Jan had blue hair, tattoos, and a stud in her nose.
I guess I kind of get it. Jan was all bright colored and, in terms of the dress code, this is more diverse than just a business suit. But it seems to me that this phrase implied a broader generalization i.e. a ring in a nose implies that a person is more interesting than the one who doesn't have this ring in a nose. Am I following the cultural pattern here?
Susan McClain --"Plain Jane McClain"
That was pretty funny. So she brought her own firearm in the nightclub. That's an interesting idea. With the purpose of self-defense, I presume. Jane McClain indeed. )
It was also cute how she shot the killer and asked Toby to be quiet about it. A nice detail! It tells a lot about her character. )))
Thank you for reading with your usual thoughtfulness (which is so UN-usual among contemporary readers). "Conservative and boring" was my original comment on the stereotype of accountants. In my last-century youth, accountants were button-down-collar guys with pocket protectors, bald and wearing glasses. Zeldacroft's accountant, Jan, was already stepping outside that mold by organizing a social gathering for coworkers, and telling jokes, laughing, yanking the shy guy onto the dance floor...
I pictured Susan as a woman with a past (most likely a stalker who scared her into self-defense classes), who keeps a conceal-and-carry at all times because stalkers can show up any time, any where, and the police will never get there.
But what can I do in 500 words when I'm no poet and a wordy wordsmith?
Practice with more freewrites and word limits!
Thanks again.
Interesting. My accountant is a sneaky and shrewd lady, who prides herself on fighting IRS every step of the way. )))
As far as the economy of words is concerned, yes poetry is a good tactic. I try to do it after my overall construction is completed. (Not in this context because it needs to be finished so fast).
I am writing one story for the writer's club and will attempt to do this in the second draft of the story. You know that, sometimes, vivid artistic details (imagery) seemingly takes more words, but they also could make entire passages obsolete.