Fuck It, Before It Fucks You #115 (Push, push, push, 'till we get some motion)

Good morning Internet! It’s Thursday morning here on the west coast, which some people say is the best coast, and it’s the least passive aggressive thing they say all day. But it is the coast I’m on, which I’m sure costs it a lot of points with the public at large. Who knows? It may even have ceased to rank as the best coast since I’ve arrived. But it does still rhyme with “Best Coast” and that’s what’s really important.

Anyway, I was listening to Guns N’ Roses earlier. Kind of takes me back. They’re probably not ok to listen to anymore though, I’m sure. They do have some problematic lyrics. But I known some radical feminists who light up at the sight of a little girl dancing to “Welcome To The Jungle.” I’m like “You know Axl is kind of known for being a piece of shit towards the women in his life, right?” I mean that’s certainly not how I’d expect anyone to treat a sweet child o” theirs. But that just goes to show that a lot of great artists are pieces of shit in real life. And if Harry Potter fans can pretend it’s author doesn’t exist, I can pretend a band is a collection of disembodied noises coming through my headphones.
So that makes me think of this whole “cancel culture” thing I’m always hearing about. What is it, exactly? How does it work? I can think of a few people I’d like to cancel. How do you cancel someone? Do you just say they’re canceled and then they go away? Well that can’t be the case because I’m following people on social media right now who are claiming to have been canceled. Although I don’t see their posts as much as I used to. So is this all just part of a competition for market dominance at this point? But what I’m really wondering is why anyone is concerned with the gender of plastic potatoes? Like, anyone at all? I mean the “Left” thinks its the greatest thing since french fries, the right thinks it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I’m just like “WE’RE BOMBING SYRIA!”. But fine, I’ll weigh in. The type of people who are upset about a plastic potato being made gender neutral, tend to be the ones who insist that gender is only determined by your genitals. Ok, simple question then. Where is the dick on a potato? Do potatoes even have genitals? Or are they just comforting roots that can be cooked up in a lot of tasty ways? Then when you’re bored of eating potatoes, you stick a bunch of plastic on the rest to make funny faces. You can make them look however you want. That’s the beauty of Mx. Potato Head, or whatever they call them now. Now as for Coca Cola, having racial diversity training doesn’t erase your human rights abuses, nor does it make your product any less toxic. I’ve noticed that conservatives always seem to target these boycotts at companies that have legitimate reasons to be boycotted. After that it’s not cool to boycott them anymore. Almost seems like it’s planned.
But I don’t really feel like going down any conspiracy rabbit holes right now I just want more people to get their priorities straight. The oligarchs are continuously throwing out bullshit issues for us to be upset about. It’s up to us to filter out the bullshit as best we can and say Fuck it! Before it fucks you.