Fighting Misogyny as a Male: How to Grow Up and Be a Man Without Hating Women

With everything that is going on in the media, it is impossible to stay quiet about the issue of what it means to be a "man" in today's society. Everyone has their archetype, stereotype, or whatever type you can throw out there...It is not easy for a "boy" or "young man" to figure out among all of these images which one is the "best" for himself or for the good of society if they think that large in scope...

The "male" figure as something to aspire to for "young men" is a very overt and early process in the United States...I cannot speak for else-where, but I know when I was old enough to know colors, as a "boy", i was in the "masculine" color range for clothing i was shown to choose from, and was never pointed towards colors that are considered "feminine"...

now, this was not an issue...

fast forward to when it is high school...

now, you have ideas of what you're supposed to be as a high schooler, and you have to sort of figure out where you "want" to be vs. where everyone "perceives" you to be...

if you wanted to be seen as a "jock", you play "sportsball"

"Which sportsball?"

all of them...

if you don't play "all of them"...you're not a "real man"...

if you're not playing a sport in every season in which a sport is played, please be guaranteed that there is a "real man" somewhere out there that is not only doing all those sports, but is doing them 100% dedicated like those Shaolin monks that the Wu Tang Clan loves so much...

now, all that said...

i tried to play all the sportsballs...i wanted to be a "real man"...

well, in the process, i started to realize the football coach was of questionable moral standpoint....

as a kid, you're always wondering if you are correct in your questioning because society tells you that you're not mentally ready to be able to even question them...

remember, this was at a time where people didn't know how bad concussions were for the brain...

the concussions were just one thing, but this is just a "generic" ass story about what it is like to be a "boy" growing up in the west...

hashtag tangent

anyway

In questioning the moral compass of the football coach, I had to make a very big decision...would i forever define myself as the person who "quit" the football team?

that came with lots of consequences...

would i have to forever point at the coach's questionable actions to try and justify "my" actions?

that was an issue...clearly...

the coach was powerful in the school...

he was not just a football coach, but also a teacher....

he could make my life pretty shitty if i quit...

remember, this is a "high schooler" dealing with this...

I struggled a long time with this decision, because without more than a "hunch" about questionable moral standards based on a few comments, my decision to quit would appear conspiratorial...

that is if i "spoke up" about "why" i quit...

so...i just quit...

now, if you think i quit because something happened to "me"...then you are reading this incorrectly...

i would have said as such...

i had a lot of bad feelings about that coach because i paid attention to his words, and they did not sit well with me...

i ended up quitting...

i took a lot of flack for quitting...

just as i suspected...

i did not tell anyone "why" i quit for 15 years...

i did not go back to that school for 15 years...

15 years later, i went back...

i went back and told one of the teachers that was there when I was there previously...

She told me she had gone to the administration about the same Coach then and was basically silenced...

now, i left out some of the names and the details for the sake of telling a story and not getting distracted by what was happening at any point in the timeline...

the moral is, if you feel there is a moral quandary, there probably is...your gut gets that shitty bubbly feeling for a reason...pay attention to it...

finding out what it is to "be a man" in today's society becomes something that every "man" must face and decide if they are going to be complicit with the bullshit that the worst men do, or if they will stand up against it, even when they KNOW they are not powerful enough to overcome the foe with brawn...

Whether it is Connery, Brando, Weinstein, Affleck, Cosby, whatever...you cannot stay silent and "be a man" if you see these dudes...silence is not acceptable