source

"Always blame the cat," the overlord said.

---

Eldo lowered his eyes. Always? He had been known to cut a deal with a cat. "Sir." He did not look up. "With all due respect, Sir. Maybe the hack was to blame."

"Always blame the cat! That's our motto, and if you can't abide by it, you are not the type of person we want."

Eldo was not accustomed to being addressed as a person, so his tail wagged at the overlord's inadvertent compliment. Embarrassed, he tucked his tail under his legs.

Technically, Eldo was a raccoon dog, not even a member of the dog family, but as long as Lord Sharpei didn't grasp that distinction, he would not mention that he was more fox than dog. On the bright side, he had no raccoon in his DNA. And he had passed himself off as a dog, despite his black bandit mask and fluffy cheeks.

source: beautiful-wildlife: Raccoon Dog by Jirí Míchal

---

"Pay no attention to the awful, unflattering shots of raccoon dogs raiding trash cans," Eldo wanted to say, but that would necessitate an explanation of his breed. Fortunately, so many dogs were of questionable lineage, the subject just never came up. Worse than the photos were the captions: They aren't the product of a post-apocalyptic mutation, but rather an ill-advised pet choice on the run. That sort of snark did nothing to relieve intolerance, ignorance, and misunderstandings about Eldo's ethnicity. If only the humans were as laid back about these things as the dogs. Any dog was good enough to attend pack meetings, no matter what race. A whole other species, though, like cat, or squirrel, was a whole other subject.

---

source:

Eldo was an idealist. Not a mutant, not a rebel. Destroying things to get the attention of the humans was a thing most dogs outgrew. He had signed up for the #DogLivesMatter riots as a matter of principle. Enough of dogs on chains, dogs running loose and getting hit by cars when their human overlords paid no attention to them, Dogs on Death Row because they got a little slow, or hard of hearing, or incontinent, or all of the above (and more!). That labradoodle, Scooter, was senile. No question, he was. But his human was a mild-mannered little vegan who didn't mind in the least that Scooter let the squirrels verbally abuse him and steal bird food. His human was old and not quite right in the head herself.

"Dog Lives Matter!" Lord Sharpei roared, and all the other canines joined in the chant, paws raised like fists, pounding the air. "We didn't get their attention by leaving our scented graffiti, but we hacked into the TV station and blocked Game of Thrones. Nothing happened. Therefore, it was the cats."

"Boo," the dogs moaned in derisive unison.

“Prepare before you see them. They could be dangerous,”

Lord Sharpei reminded them. "Some of these Maine Coons are bigger than some of you dogs."

source: Omar the Maine Coone is so big, he bullies dogs

---

"But, it's the humans, not the cats, who put us in cages and forget to feed us," Eldo said. "Why wouldn't the cats be on our side?"

"Because they are CATS," Lord Sharpei snarled. "And you, Eldo, have been slipping so much, I seriously question your contribution to the cause. Do you even remember the password?"

Eldo hung his head, and not just because he had to struggle to come up with the letters and numbers. There was a "Y" in it, and he didn't understand WHY, which made him start laughing, his tongue lolling, oh no, oh no. A menacing look from Sharpei shut him right up and he spelled out the password:

"satisfactiony7u6"

But that got him laughing again. He had found a mnemonic device to remember the password! "Why, Seven, you little Six, you!" He flopped onto his back, belly exposed, and literally rolled on the floor laughing. "I can't get no satisfaction, why, seven you six!"

The other dogs were rolling on the floor laughing, too. "Oh Seven, you little Six," ha ha ha, and soon the entire canine army was useless. Lolling and rolling, laughing and about as impossible to herd as cats.

Lord Sharpei scowled, but nobody could tell a scowl from a smile on him.

Merlin, the Maine Coon, sauntered into the clearing and held out a peace offering to Lord Sharpei.

"You smoke it," Merlin said, "like a cigar. And the beauty of it is, even though it doesn't change the world, it changes you. You won't care what the world is doing."

Eldo had a bad feeling about the smell of that cat's weed, and sure enough, Lord Sharpei sauntered over and pressed the smoke-stick into Eldo's underbelly.

The burn hurt, but Eldo took it like a man. Not a yelp! Not a whimper.

Merlin hissed and swatted the fire stick from Lord Sharpei's paw. "No more cruelty, you stupid mutt."

Well, good on you, Merlin, Eldo almost said. Maine Coons were totally cat, no coon in the DNA, but Eldo had a special fondness for the breed, or weakness, some might say. But he and Merlin went back a way. They'd both been captured and hauled off to the same animal shelter, where they resided in cages, like felons, until some generous human decided to bail them out.

"And by the way," Merlin said airily to Lord Sharpei, "your hack didn't work because the last episode of Game of Thrones had already aired. Now. Inhale." Merlin narrowed his eyes at the old bully, who just blinked stupidly back at the cat. "Like this." The cat drew in a breath, making the stick flare red, then blew out a puff of smoke. Lord Sharpei retrieved his weed and took a puff, then stood there with smoke wisping up from his jowls.

"There ya go, man. You'll be feelin' fine in no time."

The revolution was over in a puff of smoke. Sharpei was as chill as a popsicle, and Eldo had a revelation as smoke filled the air. Lord Sharpei was no longer barking out orders at them.

Blame the cat.

---

source: Mother Earth News

I did the 3-part freewrite!

Don't ask how many minutes. It might have been closer to 60 than 15.

Special thanks to @goat-girlz for gifting me (however inadvertently) the password: "satisfactiony7u6" - LOL!