My Thai Wedding Pt. 1

So, I was recently married in a traditional Thai marriage ceremony in the north of Thailand and I thought some of you may be interested about what goes on. I can tell you it's lots of fun mixed with a healthy dose of traditions. If you have a short attention span then feel free to watch the 5 minute video. I've put it at the top, it has groovy music and captures the essence of the day. For those of you who would like to know more, then keep scrolling as I go into pain-staking detail of each of the sections of the wedding along with some pictures. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, it was certainly a day I will never forget :)

The 5 min Highlights Video; for people who ain't got time for text.

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The wedding day kicks off early! (around 6:30am)...and so it begins with....

1.THE KHAN MAAK PROCESSION

THE KHAN MAAK PROCESSION

Ok. So first things first. We have to come to the house, and we can't just rock up and knock on the door and say "Heh we are here for the wedding!". No, that wouldn't do. I must collect my rabbly entourage of family and friends and assorted village vagabonds and assemble them at a point a few hundred metres up the road. From here we must sing, dance and shout our impending arrival as we make our way up the street.

The procession is lead by the groom’s representative or (“เถ้าแก่) Thao Gae”, in this case it was a professor from my wife's university. He was my guide, and helper as I had never done this before. I got the idea that it wasn't his first time at the rodeo. Also as a respected guest he was going to help me gain entry to the fortress that lay ahead. Joining us were my parents, relatives and friends carrying flowers, incenses, candles and gifts, all which were required for the ceremony. Also at the front of the procession were drummers and traditional folk dancers, who making all the banging, clanging and swirling to announce our arrival to everybody in the surrounding village.

Banana leaves and sugar cane storks were given to some of the stronger members to carry, while others had the responsibility of bringing the traditional gifts of the Kan Maak, which included rice, sesame seeds, some small amounts of Thai food for the feast, a selection of Thai desserts. I'd been told sometimes a pigs head was involved, but thankfully not today. My brother and one of my wife's aunt were entrusted with the monetary gifts and other precious items, such as gold and jewellery, which would make up the dowry. A lot of these gifts represent important aspects of marriage, such as health, prosperity, fertility and longevity.

2. PASSING THROUGH THE GATES (พิธีกั้นประตู)

PASSING THROUGH THE GATES (พิธีกั้นประตู)

In order for the wedding to commence, I had to first collect my bride-to-be from her room inside the family house. Simple enough? Not really.....To do this I had to successfully navigate through a series of gates which only opened upon completion of certain challenges. These symbolic barriers would only be opened once I had proved my worth to the keepers of the “locks”.

Normally, there are just 3 of these symbolic “gates”, but sometimes there may be more, and in my case there were. The gates were made up of strings of orchids, or chains of silver and gold, and each one was held by either close friends or young family members of the bride. I think I sang, danced and bribed my way through 9 gates before I made it to the house mostly in one piece, Indiana Jones would have been proud.. thankfully, my " Thao Gae" (I mentioned him earlier) was a shrewd negotiator and also commanded a bit of respect.

As I passed each challenge, the toll for each subsequent “gate” continually increased as I advanced. I gave the first few gatekeepers 100 Baht ( about $3) to open the door. By the time I got to the last road-block I think her teenage cousins wrangled 1,000 Baht ($30 each) out of me, not bad for 5 minutes work...This wass undoubtedly one of the most frivolous and fun parts of the wedding as I bartered with the various gatekeepers to let me through.

3. MONKS BLESSING

Monks Blessing

Once the gates have been successfully negotiated, I was allowed to collect the bride from her room to continue the next part of ceremony which was the monks blessing. We had 9 monks (auspicious number) and they chanted their way through a succession of blessings whilst a lit candle was placed in a bowl of water. This water was then used later to bless us. A bowl of white paste was also blessed which was also used later to anoint our foreheads, you may notice the white dots on our faces.

Although more solemn than the previous shenanigans on the way in, I still enjoyed this moment very much. The eldest monk has known my wife since the day she was born and watched her grow into the woman she is today.

After the chanting had finished, we offered food to the monks. Nobody else wass permitted to eat until the monks had finished their meal. After they had eaten, they took no further part in the ceremony, and after a brief chat, they trundled up the road back to the temple.

4. COUNTING THE DOWRY (สินสอด)

Counting The Dowry

Next is the dowry ceremony. This is the part which is often difficult for foreigners to comprehend. I admit, for me, it goes against most of what I believe marriage to be about, however, it is an important part of the traditional ceremony, so we compromise in marriage, and I compromised. The dowry is a symbol that the groom is financially able to care for his new wife.The concept of sinsod was initially brought in to ensure that one’s daughter did not marry below her potential standing in life. To stipulate that her social, financial and professional status and reputation is preserved and secured. Although this is less relevant nowadays, the tradition remains.

So my dowry was formally presented by my parents to my bride’s mum on the Kan Maak tray. This particular dowry consisted of some money, gold, and jewellery, but may also include title deeds to property in some cases. The dowry was then counted out onto a red cloth by my bride’s mum. She put on a bit of a pantomime that it was too heavy to pick up. The amount of the dowry had been predetermined, (Please don't ask how much).

There is no set amount, the sum of sinsod is typically determined on the one hand by suitor’s perceived wealth, and on the other hand by the “value” of the future wife. Her beauty, personality, background, education and other qualifications.More often than not, a part of the money is used to pay for the wedding ceremonies, parties and other related expenses. Dowries or sinsod payments range from THB 50,000 to 500,000 ($1500-$1500) and up.

5. THE ENGAGEMENT (พิธีหมั้น)

The Engagement

Traditionally, the engagement is performed well in advance of the wedding, just as in western culture, but recently, it has become common for it to be carried out on the wedding day after Counting the Dowry. I mean, we got engaged about 6 months earlier, but we rolled the ceremonial aspect of this into the wedding. The engagement was a way of introducing the bride to the groom, who had been selected by her parents and gave a chance for the couple to get acquainted before the wedding, but nowadays most couples choose their own partners, as we obviously did ;)

At this point, we exchanged rings, and I also took the jewellery from Sin Sod tray and placed them on my bride as well. The exchange is performed in front of the parents of both parties.

6. THE THREAD AND WATER POURING (พิธีหลั่งน้ำพระพุทธมนต์)

The Thread and Water Pouring

After the Sin Sod ceremony was finished, we got ready for water pouring ceremony.The water pouring is the most important part of the Thai wedding ceremony as during this part the couple officially become husband (สามี) and wife (ภรรยา). Traditionally, this was all that was required to validate the marriage, but nowadays the couple are also required to obtain a marriage certificate (ทะเบียนสมรส) from the local registration office (Shh. we haven't done that yet).

Before the water pouring took place, we must seat ourselves at the traditional water pouring tables (ตั่งรดน้ำ [Dtang Rot Naam]), with the bride to the left of the groom. We each had a ceremonial headdress (มงคล [Mong Kol]) , made from one piece of cotton forming a circle and signifying the joining of us as a couple, placed upon our heads. The Mong Kol had been previously been blessed by the Buddhist monks earlier in the wedding.

Then senior members of the family or special guests of honor performed the anointing of our foreheads with three dots of white powder to represent the shape of a pyramid. Traditionally, the powder is made of dirt or clay, ground, and mixed with holy water and blessed by Buddhist monks. As with all of the ceremony’s traditional customs, the ritual is meant to bring good fortune to the couple. (more dots)

We were ready for the water pouring to commence once we had placed both hands (palms together), overhanging the water pouring table and positioned above flowers that were arranged in a water tray, to capture the water that ran off. Each of the elder guests in turn will take the ceremonial water pouring conch shell (สังข์รดน้ำ), which had been freshly filled with holy water from the Buddhist ceremony, and poured a trickle of water from the base of our thumbs to the fingertips over the groom and then the bride. Most also used this opportunity to give us their congratulations and best wishes.

7. THE BRIDAL BED (พิธีส่งตัว)

The Bridal Bed

After the water pouring ceremony was completed, we were sent to their bedroom. This is where things got a little weird. This is just a part of the wedding ceremony, we were not going to bed for real just yet. : ) although by this stage I was getting exhausted and could have used a little nap.

The bed will was prepared by a married couple who had been happily married for a long time, in this case my mum and dad. Their knowledge and good luck was then imparted to us in a number of different ways. Nine meaningful items were placed on the bed as symbols of prosperity and fertility. They didn't really know what to do either do we kind of ad-libbed this a bit. But the goods on the bed were:

• One big brass tray (พานทองเหลืองใหญ่)
• A mortar as a symbol of steadily love (ครกบดยา หมายถึง จิตใจหนักแน่น)
• A cane as a symbol of long life (ไม้เท้า หมายถึง อายุยืน)
• A green squash as a symbol of happy and peaceful married life (ฟักเขียว หมายถึง ความอยู่เย็นเป็นสุข)
• A silver bag and gold bag of beans, sesame seeds and baking powder(หมายถึงความเจริญงอกงามและความเฟื่องฟู)
• A bowl of rain water as a symbol of harmony (ขันใส่น้ำฝน ความสามัคคี ป็นน้ำหนใจเดียวกัน)
• A white cat doll as a symbol of liking to stay at home (ตุ๊กตาแมวสีขาว หมายถึง รักบ้านเรือน)
• A white chicken as a symbol of early rising (ไก่ขาว ตื่นดึก ลุกเช้า)

Tradition states that we the newly-weds must sleep with these objects in the bed for the next 3 nights. And, yes we did.

Act. 2 - The Thai Wedding Party (Reception as we know it)

When Thai couples tie the knot, there are two wedding events; traditional Thai ceremony and the wedding party. Most do both in the same day with the traditional Thai ceremony in the morning followed by the party in the afternoon or evening. Some couples prefer to do them on a separate day. We did ours on the same day. We got a brief 30 minute respite in which to update our Facebook status (lol) and do a Superman costume change into the afternoon's attire.

We held the party in an empty field next to the house, which suited me fine, as I'm not a fan of dingy hotel ballrooms. The torrential rain from the night before held off, and apart from a bit of mud underfoot, all was well.

A Thai wedding party is usually large (aka huge). We probably only had about 50 people for the ceremony in the morning but we catered for 800 for the party....Yes 800... Parents will invite almost every single person they know; family members, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and of course it includes the immediate family of those guests. The more people the parents and the couple know, the bigger the wedding. It appears my wife's family knew everyone in the surrounding village even if my wife didn't have a clue who half of them were.

This is due to the Thai custom about ‘face’ – especially if the family has important status in the society. If you don’t invite someone, they will feel insulted and you could lose the relationship with them. Often the wedding of the children is like a reunion party for the parents. For us, it involved lots and lots of picture taking followed by more picture taking. There was some food in there somewhere, along with a band and some more traditional dancers.

Thai people don’t usually give wedding gifts, instead they give cash. When the guest receives the wedding invitation, they will use the envelope of the invitation card to put the cash in. Then when they arrive at the wedding party’s reception, there will be money boxes for the guests to put the cash envelope in. You can also write wishes for the wedding couple in a guest-book prepared at the reception and receive a wedding souvenir.

Lighting the candles & Cutting the Cake

Before cutting the cake, the wedding couple will light up three auspicious candles (เทียนมงคล ).
After that the cake was cut and we served it to out parents and closest relatives first. Pretty sure that big cake was just for show, and we had a smaller one for devouring.

Eat, Drink and be Merry

The rest of the afternoon was spent eating, drinking and chatting with the guests who remained. It's quite common for many of the guests to vanish quite quickly, as people get back to work or other activities. Regardless, a group of us stayed on till late in the evening recounting tales of times past.

When the party was finished, we had to count the money they received and also make a note of the amount of the money they receive from each guest, so when they are invited to the guest’s wedding or the wedding of the guest’s child, they should put more money in the envelope.

Stay tuned for Pt.2

Part 2: The Thai Beach Wedding, where we have a Western Ceremony by the beach. Yes we had 2 weddings, No that's not actually weird for foreign/Thai couples.

p.s - I am planning to take my wife, mother-in-law, and 2 aunts to Australia next week. please upvote :) We all know how darn expensive Sydney is.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did :) Please leave a comment if you have questions and I'll answer as best I can.

#thailand
#thaiwedding
#buddhism