I have seen evil and know the bottomless depths of despair into which it can drag us.
I can think of no more honest and valid reason for man to live without evil than the path you have taken. I respect you for that choice and would prefer men and women like you to those who adhere to standards of behavior because someone told them to.
Their faith has not been tempered by fire and water, and cannot be trusted to stand in the face of adversity.
Yours has.
You will.
I
Thanks for the read @Willymac
Part of me misses the day when matters of conscience were easy, and where "hope and faith" meant "inner peace and security."
But now that the "training wheels are off" per se, there is no going back.
No, you cannot go back. You cannot un-see what was seen.
You CAN go forward because your heart and mind have been clarified.
In this world, "inner peace and security" are artifacts once you have seen over the parapet.
There will always be, love, hope, and faith.