Confession of a War child

War...

No one should see it. No one should feel it and for sure not even one child should grow up in it. On this day 22 years ago, the last major battle in Croatian war of independence started. Operation Storm. History books will tell you It was a decisive victory for the Croatian Army, which attacked across a 630-kilometre front against the Republic of Serbia. The battle launched to restore Croatian control of 10,400 square kilometres of territory. History books will tell you it was a strategic victory for Croats after years of war.

History books will tell you the facts, but will they tell you how it felt?

22 years ago, I was just a child. A child who didn't play outside like you did. A child who didn't have chocolate or cookies or milk. You see, I couldn't do play days or sleep overs. Damn, I couldn't even do family dinners.
I remember that morning very good. It was 5 a.m and we were sector north. The beginning of the end has started and we were ready to take our country back. At the time I wasn't sure what that really meant. Beginning of what end?
I remember dad kissing mum and me, before leaving to the front again. His big brown eyes were watery and I knew something is wrong. He hugged us so tightly, I felt pain in my chest. He told mum that he loves her, and he told me that I have to be a big girl now and that I have to be good to mum.
I was a big girl for years already. He just couldn't see it because he was fighting the war to free us, to give his big girl a chance to live.

You see, ever since the war started you couldn't be simply a kid. You were forced to learn when to run and where to hide. What to take and what to leave. With the time you learn how to live with constant fear for your life. With constant fear that one day you might not hear the siren and that rocket gonna hit your building while you are asleep. That one day you might not wake up. And you learn all that before you turn 5.

Today, 22 years later I'm still alive!

Don't get me wrong, I don't see myself as a victim, I don't even see my self as a survivor. I see all of us like Heroes!
We are not less educated. We don't miss manners. We have more respect and understanding than any of our generations outside of Croatia will ever have. We know what real problems are, so we are not making a drama about small obstacles... We know how not having felt so we appreciated what we have now. We know what matters and we know how to protect it. We are standing tall with both feets on the ground and we can tell you in your face: Bring it on!

P.S.
I wanna say thank you, Dad. And I wanna say thank you to every Dad and Brother and Mother who fought bravely for me and every child who had to grow up in the war!
I wanna say thank you for giving us chance to live.

Photo: Jadran Mimica