The difference between FORGIVE and FORGET

in wafrica •  9 months ago  (edited)

Forgiving does not mean Forgetting.
Forgetting does not mean Forgiving.


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You don't have to suffer from selective amnesia in order to forgive. You've not forgotten what someone did to you at one point.
Tell me I'm lying. Now, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. If you forget that easily, Then you urgently need medical attention.

Forgiveness means remembering, without any form of bitterness or, censure towards the offender.
It means remembering and letting go.
It means remembering then forgiving again and everything is honky-dory.
It means remembering and putting it off as part of a past, that won't determine how you treat the offender in the future.
It means deciding to not pay back this wrong, even if it's within your power to do so.
It means loving this person when there's absolutely nothing or no reason to love them. That's forgiveness.

Forgiveness mustn't always come before Forgetting. In some scenarios, it is the other way round.
Now let me bayonet your brain a little.

It is very possible to totally forget without forgiving.

Some people forget without forgiving. That usually happens when you've been separated from the offender for a long time or when the offender never apologized for what he did to you. When you see them again, that resentment is rekindled. There is a vagary to your brain that drives you batty each time you lay eyes on them. Maybe the person hurt you so badly that it left a freckle of sadness or discomfort on your conscience, whenever they are around. You may no longer have plans to revenge but you just don't like the person.

Another paradox of life is that you guys may still be close friends but without forgiveness, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that the relationship is strong, you know deep down that friendship is like an old badly-bounded hymn book which can tear apart at the slight act of carelessness. It would always be your pleasure to gloat at their failure. From the way you malevolently look at the person, even a blind man can see that you have very deep haterade for your so-called Friend, and you won't miss any indirect means of searing him.

You forgot but never forgave.

I for one forgive a lot but never forget and sometimes I forget without forgiving. I choose to forgive not because I want the offender back in my life or want the friendship to continue. Sometimes, somebody can hurt me so bad and in the end, I end up Forgiving the person and Forgetting the Friendship. I don't do it for them, I do it for myself.
So I can live a happier life and won't feel so much pain on my conscience.

There are two ways I ease up that anger or pain within my soul.
The easiest way is revenge. When I am angry, I find it easier to immediately pay back the person who caused it. While the second way Forgiveness is the hardest. In the beginning, it seems much painful to let go just like that, without paying back but each time I take a deep breath to think and it occurs to me that the previous scenarios where I revenged, they all ended up in Regrets.

I end up doing something that I would regret for a very long time, much longer and painful than the time It would have taken me to forgive and let go

Thanks for reading, While taking your next step when your angry, I would like you to take a break and rethink the implications of Forgiving and that of Revenging before taking your next action.

Credit to Original author - Adaeze Rosemary and Edited by me

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Thank you for this wonderful writeup. As for me, i hate regrets. So i rather forgive an offender than to take a revenge. I do so, so as to have inner peace with myself

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True... most times the offender will totally forget and you will be the only one battling with your conscience.