Vulnerability - The Key to True Connection
"If you were to make a sign about something that you normally would want to hide, what would it say?"
That's what people were asked in the video clip below.
It's worth stopping what you do and watching this, to see what people put on their signs. I'm sure many of them will resonate with you.
@surfermarly wrote about vulnerability as a key to personal success yesterday, so this subject was still on my mind, when I came across this clip today and I want to expand a bit on the comment I left on her post. (It's not the first time she inspired me to write an article, after reading one of hers :))
To me, vulnerability is the key to true connection.
Our egos are so busy creating a perfect self-image that we can present to the world, but connection doesn't come from people being impressed by us.
Connection happens instantly in "What - you, too?" moments. It's a result of us recognising ourselves in each other.
The only way for people to truly connect with us, is to allow them to truly see us - our true Selves -the ones we normally hide behind our perfect (artificial) self-image.
And the only way for us to do that, is to let our guard down - our self-image - and let them see the raw material, without all the polishing. Not only will we allow moments of genuine connection, we will give the other person permission to do the same - to be themselves.
When we allow others to see our vulnerabilities and imperfections - they can see, "Hey, she's human! I'm human, too! We're the same! Let's be friends!"
Carrying our self-image gets heavy over time
I'm carrying a self-image, too, of course. It has different facets with different people.
The only time I let it down is in "F . . k it"-moments. You know, when it gets so heavy that you don't care anymore about the consequences, you just wanna get rid of it and lay it down. You're ready for the worst case scenario and for the other person to think the absolute worst of you, but normally that's exactly what does not happen. What happens instead is understanding and "Hey, I had no idea!"-compassion and you just feel sooo much lighter.
We're all the same.
Deep down - if we would dig into our innermost fears - we'd all realize that we are all the same. We all just have different methods to cope or compensate for our (perceived) shortcomings.
Sadly, those copying mechanisms is all we publicly see - without true context - and we judge people by what we see them do. We rarely ask for context first in order to gain a true sense of what their story is, and most importantly their intention.
We should all let our guard down a little more often to have compassion for our similarities, instead of judging each other for our differences.
This is such an important message.
In 2015 I gave a TEDx Talk about the importance of being an unselfish storyteller. The stories we all tell are usually selfish in nature and to benefit ourselves. But we all have things we could share that could help others in one way or another.
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and struggle with anxiety and my OCD daily.
Whatever you are going through (whoever might be reading this) you are not alone. There are people waiting to support you and many people in a similar situation. The more we can talk about these types of topics, the more help we'll receive -- the better off we will all be.
Thanks for the post.
That is so true!
Thank you, Michael!
We are, indeed, not alone. And thinking we're alone-- because we are "too different"-- is a slippery slope that leads us towards using that "difference" to separate ourselves even more...
Very true, thanks for the insight.
The illusion of separation lies at the heart of every single one of our fears, addictions, etc etc. It's so simple yet so difficult, because the illusion is so convincing and feels so real.
@michaelluchies Could you please share with us the link to yout Tedx Talk if it's available online?
Of course!
Awwww sweet! We did it again :-)
That video really plucked my heartstrings! These signs, the music and the deep feeling of connection are really touching. Wow!
That's exatly what I felt watching the video. It realls seems that our fears and weak points are able to connect us even better than our strengths.
Great read which I had to resteem right away :-)
Dankeschön!
Yes, we did it again, ha ha!
Wow! Thanks for sharing .
My sign would say: My heart hurts. Watching this made me cry. I recently am going through a heart break. I initially didn't want to let myself feel vulnerable with this guy because I knew he was going to get deployed (he's military) but I lowered my walls and let him in. Although I am hurting right now, I wouldn't change a thing because I know I am capable of letting people (and love) in and that I was able to make a connection. Thank you for the reminder.
What a great lesson to learn about yourself! Letting love in - no matter for how long - can't ever be wrong!
Sadly, this is the world that we live in - My representation of myself meets yours and in the end we are all sad because we wanted a genuine relationship.
It's a paradox.
So vulnerability today awakes in us mixed feelings. At first we confuse it with weakness - we tend to use it against the person. Why? Are we afraid because he or she is brave enough to reveal him or herself and we are not?
So vulnerability today is truly a compliment both for the person exposing him or herself and to the "recipient", for being chosen to observe it.
Seek the vulnerability in the people around you and if you are lucky enough to see it, don't let go of that person for he or she has chosen to be true to you !
I really enjoyed this post ! Thanks !
Thank you for letting me cry..
What makes me saddest is the fact that our children are already learning to close the gates. They experience very early what it is like to be hurt because of their individuality.
The harder your skin is, the less you can get hurt. Feelings are out!
And at home we try to convince the child of the opposite again..... to show themselves with all that's there.
I wonder who wins.
Wow... so well said, I'm so glad to find others in this community who are talking about this openly. We see other peoples 'perfect' lives posted all over social media and how does one not feel inadequate in comparison?
"Why doesn't my life look like that?" or "Why doesn't my body look like that?" are questions I ask myself when browsing online profiles. Yet from my experiences on this earth I also know that these are glimpses of other peoples lives are only just that - glimpses.
If we truly knew the full story behind every individual we encounter, it's quite likely that we wouldn't want their life... and would be quite content and blessed to be living the life we have right now. Everyone has a story and I'd love to start hearing the real stories.
Anyone else?
Ein sehr spannendes Thema und ich glaube, da ist was dran.
Wir wollen halt echte Menschen erleben und keine Schauspieler. Sich verletzbar zu zeigen ist eine grosse Chance für die Anderen zu wachsen.
And what if vulnerability scare the others people ? Because they prefer to have their own image of you, or they prefer not to see this vulnerability to protect them self ?
Then I guess you have to make a choice to either keep your mask up and carry the extra burden of living according to their preference of you and pleasing them, or you allow yourself NOT to engage in any of that B.S. anymore and just be YOU. :)
The video brought tears... the ones that we all know are really liquid love.
Thanks for posting this! We are all made of the same 'start stuff'. We are all designed, our bodies that is, with the heart and the brain first connected in fetal form. These organs are meant to work together, in tandem, as are we.
Upvoting, resteeming and sharing. You made my morning.
Thank you, Nalini :)
Liquid love, I like that!