Has self reliance and personal responsibility become too much to bear? Introducing Aballot™!

Do you ever feel you're not responsible enough to run your own life, and to conduct your own affairs? Do you feel fearful, paranoid and unable or unwilling to provide for your own safety and well being, and for the needs of your family? Well worry no more, election day is here! Ask your local poll worker about Aballot™ !

(Side effects include inflation, taxation, depression, recession, excessive debt, eminent domain, false imprisonment and police brutality, and in certain cases,war. Contact your representative if your children cannot read after 13 years of public education, or if you experience years of continuous unemployment. Feelings of fear, paranoia, xenophobia and racism have been reported. Some voters may develop welfare dependence. Gun confiscation, mass murder, false flag terror attacks, forced internment, and human medical experimentation have been known to happen. Do not suddenly stop taking Aballot™, or mass chaos and a loss of your roads could result.)

Because why have the hassle of being responsible for yourself, when you can experience a vicarious sense of power and an illusionary feeling of freedom while forcefully subjugating others, and continuing the cycle of your own oppression with Aballot™?

Aballot™, ask for it by name!

P.S. If you found this entertaining, then subscribe to my site, American Objectivist!