Voiceshares #12- Molestation, Sexual Abuse As A Kid, Rejection - Story Of My Life Goes On!!!

My parents got divorced when I was 4 and I went to live with my Mum and my new StepDad, who I'd never met before.
I don't recall getting on too well with him in the first few years, but we moved to a remoter place in the UK, where English people, well weren't the flavour of the week, month, or even century.

So I didn't have many people I could call friends, and the ones I did have were English too (but the majority of them had been born there, so that makes all the difference apparently).

So that kid who was always picked last for everything, that was me.

I don't know if it was as bad as all that at home, I don't recall a lot of happier times, but that's not to say they didn't happen. Although I do remember lots of baking cakes and walks with the dogs on the crofts.

But at about age 10, I suppose my Stepdad decided he did like me after all, but not in an appropriate way. He died of a heart attack when I was 12, about half an hour of him doing stuff to me. I heard it. I thought it was funny snores, but not so, my mum told me he had died the next morning.

Unfortunately around the same kind of time, my brother who thankfully didn't live with Mum and me always choose to play inappropriate 'games' with his little sister. About 20 years later, he acknowledged and apologized for his actions, but we will never be close. He lives in Australia, so that's quite easy to do.

It wasn't long before my mum had found someone else and her evenings were full once and I retreated to my bedroom to do my own thing too - reading, music, crying, writing poetry. Writing down feelings in poems was literally a lifesaver for me, I don't think I'd still be here if I didn't have that release. I still do it now, when I recognize the route that my mind is about to take.

I was worried that this new Stepdad would be the same as the last, so I made the decision to go and live with my real father in England. It wasn't long before my Stepmum made me aware I wasn't welcome.

Anyway it was only two years and then I went to university, where I finally had some freedom! So I lived it up and spent my evenings in the bar and having my heart broken a string of times. I must not wear my heart on my sleeve (that's a a lesson I've still not mastered).

Anyway I did meet someone and we spent 3 years together, but we would constantly argue every day over nothing and I had enough (and I really fancied the gym instructor).

In hindsight, university days I enjoyed. I didn't want to leave it and go into the real world, so I stayed and did a Masters as well.

I haven't really used my qualifications since, but that is about to change, as I plan to use them in a new business venture.

After university I moved back to live with my Dad, no stepmum this time, but my grandmother.

I meet my husband on a blind date through someone I had met at church and had moved in with him within 3 months.

So I ended marrying someone ex-army, wit undiagnosed PTSD, an alcohol problem and a problem with anger, but he loved and adored me and I loved him too. He'd change, right?

Life had a different story, will be continued in part 2!!!

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