This creates a real struggle for me. There is the optimal way of things where gender does not create a stigma for behavior, on all sides. Then there is a reality of probabilities. When I'm driving down the road and I see someone on the side of the road, which most likely would be car trouble, I now have a dilemma. I look at the person and try to judge if I should stop and see if they need help. If it is a man, unfairly, I usually will assume they can handle the situation and also know that if I stop to help, I might bruise their ego. I also judge based on how they act and how they dress and based on their age to also consider If I should help or not. Most the time though, as long as I don't see obvious problems, I will carry on. If they are still there while I happen to come back the other way though, I will stop.

If it is a woman, I will usually always stop and make sure they are ok and if they need any help. I understand this could also bruise her ego. I understand that in a perfect world it is unfair to assume she would need help being that she is a woman as one of the factors. There is the thing that many women would have more trouble getting their car going. Not at all saying women are less mechanically inclined then men, just culturally, most women are not fixing cars. The thing though, for me, is a safety issue. A women on the side of the road is a target. Now I'm being sexist on both sides, I know, but the reality is I see lots of asshole scumbags who would take advantage of this situation, and I know most women are physically less likely to be able to handle the situation. So I want to stop to make sure she feels safe. Again, assuming a man is needed to make a woman feel safe. I feel like a giant asshole. But again the reality, many of the women I know would feel exposed and unsafe on the side of the road and would welcome someone making sure they are ok. But then I also run the risk of being viewed as some kind of predator. Really all this drives me nuts.

Then comes the other side. If I just drive by, what kind of man am I. If I can't fix the car, I've failed as a man. If she needs a tow and doesn't have enough money, but I don't either, again I've failed as a man to not be able to provide. I hate this burden I feel to be able to do and succeed in certain things because I was born male, yet at the same time I genuinely want to be able to do all those things for people, regardless of my gender.

I just want to be able to stop and help people if they need it and not have to worry about all this shit.