venting part whatever

in #venting3 years ago (edited)

hey....
i know this is getting excessive and i am sorry.
a lot is happening in my life...
my depression has been at its worst since 2 years ago...
i cant cry out for help because im ashamed...
i dont want to bother anyone..
i dont want to be an annoyance
i feel trapped
hurt
its becoming too much
i have cried every night for the last 3 weeks
when will it stop
when will... the stuff happening in my life stop
when can the pain inflicted on me both mentally and physically stop
when can i stop letting little pointless things put me down
when can i stop feeling alone despite having people there for me
i feel invisible
worthless
and i know im only making my image look even worse by making these posts
ive taken breaks, made changes, and its only getting worse
i know isolating myself will only worsen things even more
so no matter what... i will be in pain
maybe this is overreacting
idk...
but..
just know i appreciate you
know that if... things dont go well..
its not anyones fault but my own...
i feel ashamed
i feel trapped
i want out
before its too late
i hate writing this
but i feel i have to
just so you know
what is happening
people will call this "looking for attention"
people will call me "weak"
a "coward"...
say i deserve no sympathy..
and maybe i dont...
i dont want sympathy
i dont want people to worry
i just want a way for people to know..
that im hurt
and things might happen
and things might not happen
but either way...
u know why..
there is nothing anyone can do..
it is what it is..
just know... i love u

EDIT:
please do not take this post the wrong way. It is not meant to imply anything. Its poetry of my feelings if anything. <3 Please do not concern.