The Dirty Vapist

My Filthy Habit…
I tried my first cigarette when I was in year 2 of High School (First Grade for my friends from across the pond). I was about twelve years old, impressional and dumb as shit.

My friend and I bought a pack of 10 Marlboro Red’s from his older brother (Marlboro-fucking-red! Bleurch!), and promptly sparked up our first cigs down the alley on the walk home from school. I can’t even remember why the fuck we did this.

I took a draw and as standard, I wasn’t overly jazzed about ever smoking again. It wasn’t an awful experience, but it wasn’t particularly great either. I felt like a bit of a badass for a minute but then the guilt kicked in and so just before greeting my folks I doused myself in Lynx Java, ran upstairs to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and pretended everything was normal.

Dad…. was not fooled. And I got the hiding of a fucking lifetime. I think it was supposed to deter me from ever smoking again but…. I was a typical, rebellious little shit.

By age 16 I was a filthy smoker, without a single fuck in the world, thinking I was badass. What a DICK!