I'll be okay...someday.

Today, has probably been one of my worse days I have had in a while. It kind of brings me through all the memorizes that happened when I was 14 and all the depression and suicidal thoughts I had. I know I may not be the best person ever, but no one is.. I look into peoples eyes cause when I do I know what they think of me and see me as and the one think that hurts the most is having your dad look at you like you should just die, your a disappointment anyways... Last night was a crazy night for me didn't expect anything to happen like it did, but that's how everything seems to be going now. I was in a car with my guy friend and we was just talking about the relationships we have had and how shitty they were.. well I asked to see his phone because I wanted to play lips of an angel by hinder and while that song was playing I starting saying, " you know so many guys have told me my lips are like an angle" and of course he has to reply I've gotten told that too and then well I'm the type of girl that likes to test boundaries like its fun to me so replied saying how about we test that out and yea that's all ima go there, but I don't feel like I should. I feel like shit and just every name you can come up with. I tell myself I don't care anymore like I don't care what happens, but turns out I do a lot and now I feel like I'm just nothing all over again but, this time is worse.