Instilling Temperance in Children

You see the gadget advertised on TV and immediately you want to have it. The price is not the problem; you just want to have it. You want to experience that pleasure of buying or having. And so you buy the gadget. You are thrilled with the features of this wonderful device. Six months later, you see another advert of the latest brand of the gadget. Even though the gadget you already have is still satisfactory in terms of what it does for you, you are no longer satisfied with it. You must get the latest device to experience that pleasure of having again. And you buy it. You lack temperance.
You see a fashion item and just cannot resist the impulse to buy it. You purchase it and in a few weeks’ time, you see another fashion item online. You already have such items but you consider that they are not the latest. Before you know it, you click the “Buy Now” button. Temperance is lacking.
Temperance is a habitual moderation in the indulgence of the passions or appetites. Some call it self-mastery. The lack of temperance has made it easy for consumerism to thrive in the world.
Parents need to instill temperance in their children. Temperance is a virtue, a cardinal virtue. It is understandable that as a parent you would want nothing but the best for your child. You want to give them the best education you can afford, buy them the nicest dresses, and even take them overseas so they can experience another part of the world. Now that is what you want for your child. But the question is, “What really is best for your child?”
As you bring up your child, bear in mind that the goal is to raise an adult not a child. So you should think of what your child will be and not just what he will do. A lot of parents plan the future of their children but limit it to their career or profession. But children need to be raised to become loving spouses and parents and not just skilled professionals. There are a lot of successful engineers, lawyers, doctors whose private lives are in a mess. Success in a profession does not compensate for failure at home. So children should be taught virtues and one of the most important is temperance.
A lot of advertising is aimed at young people whose purchasing power has increased in recent years. Different brands come into fashion and quickly fall out of fashion. People are not contented with what they have; hence, they buy the latest items. All the blame is not on the advertisers, some go to the parents responsible for properly bringing up their children.
It is understandable that parents do not want their children to lack what other children have, or what they themselves did not have growing up. However, this should not make parents give their children everything they desire. Children should be taught not to make comparisons with others nor try to be like others in everything. In teaching this, the materialistic mentality is avoided. Where the society teaches, “You are what you have,” teach your children, “Who you are is more important than materials.” It alright to say “No” sometimes.
Teaching your child temperance is not all about not having. It can be taught positively as well so as to help him understand how to properly use what he has. A child who grew up with a generous alms-giver as a father gives priority to people over things.
With regard to money, you do not have to be too generous with your child. It is by this means he learns how to properly use what he already has. They may want so much money but let them earn it. They are better able to manage well the money they earn and also buy wisely. Extravagance is avoided.
It is not only in money that children should be taught temperance. There is also the aspect of sexuality. Decency is an integral part of the virtue of temperance as well as modesty. The control of sexual drive is important and this has to do with temperance. With this, moderation and patience is encouraged in relationships. Decency informs one’s choice of clothing which projects a healthy self-respect. It is unfortunate that a number of girls and women post indecent pictures of themselves on social media so as to have them “Liked.” When they see the “Likes” growing, they feel validated, they feel they have achieved something. But what such people do not know is that they show the world their insecurity, their low self-esteem. Recently, a girl uploaded such a picture on Facebook and invited people to drop their numbers. As I write this, over 1000 young men and women dropped their numbers. You can guess what they wanted from such a girl who has advertised all she had.
The virtue of temperance can help children in understanding sexuality in a human way. Fathers and mothers should teach their sons and daughters the beauty of human love. Inasmuch as parents are to serve as leaders to their children, the area of sexuality is one area where they are to serve as a friend. Up till this day, many parents still find it difficult to discuss sexuality with their children. But the children will come with their questions sooner than later. They would want to know about their origin, they would want to know how they came out of mummy’s belle. If both parents are not able to satisfy the curiosity of the child when he asks about how he came to life, he will ask a friend who may be naughty. The sort of answer he will get from this friend will make him look at his parents with disgust when next he sees them.
The media has helped in trivializing human sexuality. It is therefore important that parents pay special attention to television, internet, books, and video games. This is not to say that they are to become detectives always suspecting their children when they use the media. They should rather take advantage of the media as opportunities for education and teach children how to use them critically and positively. Whatever deforms the view of the human person or reduces his dignity should be rejected and condemned.
Parents ought to know that they do not teach their children the proper use of the media when they change channels whenever an inappropriate scene in a movie appears. If the children are aware that their parents care to find out about the moral content of the movie before viewing, then they have the virtue of purity transmitted to them.
Not every pleasure is bad. Some pleasures are actually good in themselves. Temperance therefore is not only about avoiding evil which is good. More than that, it is about moderating pleasures that are actually good. Hence children should be taught how to temperately use what is available to them. TV viewing is not necessarily bad but when TV is viewed most of the time, then there is a problem. It is a better use of time when skills like writing or cooking are learnt. The unbridled use of television harms family life.
The parent who successfully instills the virtue of temperance in his child will be proud of the judicious manner the child will get to use what he has and more than that, he will be proud of whom the child gets to be.