What Deschooling REALLY Looks Like, and Why 12 Hours of Gaming is Necessary

When you first begin unschooling, you may be surprised by how long the transition period stretches between schooled life and unschooled living. That's why people talk about deschooling - but what does that mean, really?

The schooled mindset is something that takes ages to lose, even in kids.

At first, they might be all motivated to "do learning stuff"....and you'll think, ahh, this is great! They are self-directing!

When they voluntarily decide that workbooks are awesome and ask to do "homeschool stuff", it's easy for the parents to say, unschooling works!

That kind of "unschooling", when kids are asking for projects and activities, can look a lot like school--what you're both familiar with!

But staying comfortable means you're siding with the enemy of growth.

For example, your child may want to "do gardening" as a homeschool project--great! Gardening is wonderful and educational....but it's also so much more than that.

Kids "get" unschooling faster and better than most adults, so your child will quickly see that "doing gardening" doesn't have to be done in the same way as "doing school".

Is gardening only worthwhile if we get "passing grades" on our harvests, for example?

I mean, of course not--there's inherent benefit in being in the sunshine, getting dirt under your fingernails, and watching your plants grow. The natural motivation to see them succeed and produce harvests is there, even if you only get one tiny tomato at first.

That tomato will almost certainly taste better than any other, because of your care and commitment to its growth.

Things that look like school give parents comfort....and so if the kids naturally ask for that stuff, unschooling can feel "easy".

This can go on for a long time....and honestly, some folks don't leave this period for years, because they're encouraging it, because it's less scary somehow.

As parents, it can be hard for us to not consciously (or even unconsciously) encourage those interests that look like traditional learning, and thereby discourage things like watching Netflix or binging on a new Nintendo game.

It's tough to be mindful of your responses and reactions...

You don't want to give your child the message (spoken or unspoken) that "THESE things you're interested in are good and valuable....and those other things....well...we just tolerate those..."

Kids are better at deschooling than parents are.

Soon enough, they may decide that they really want to play the xbox all day, and not much else.

Is 12 hours of gaming really necessary? When you're deschooling, YES, it certainly can be.

(Just maybe--gently and cheerfully--remind them about bathroom breaks and meals, depending on how old they are and how well they're managing otherwise.)

This is where it's important for parents to be calm and positive about it, and trust that learning is still happening--even if it's in a way that the larger part of society refuses to recognize as beneficial.

This is where it's important to remind yourself that everything is educational, and that whatever your child is interested in has value to him, and deserves respect.

Even if your kneejerk reaction is "this is stupid"...keep it to yourself.

Nobody ever benefitted from being told that something they like is stupid.

My kids have been interested in many things over the years that I would not have chosen for them!

However, I fully recognize that's my own issue to get in check...because the fact that something interests them means that THEY see value in it.

It then becomes my job as an unschooling parent to try and understand their perspective.

Only after I've really sat with them and watched the show, played the game, spent time listening to them talking about [whatever it is], do I MAYBE offer any thoughts of my own.

**I don't want to send them mixed messages of "yay, unschooling = freedom!" But also, "ohhh, don't you want to check out this nice (i.e. contrived, pedantic) reading activity instead?"

There's a thousand little comments we make regularly, and our kids are already experts at reading between our lines.

When you're still deschooling, unschooling might look a lot like relaxed homeschooling--which is great!

But having kids who just naturally ask to do worksheets is NOT the end-goal of unschooling.

Not even a little bit.

The goal is to get them LIT UP ABOUT LIFE! That's done by being positive and supportive of ALL their interests, not just the ones that stroke our parental egos about having "smart" kids.

With typical homeschooling, a major goal might be to surpass the educational standards of public schooled kids.

However, with UNSCHOOLING, we've long ago realized that those educational standards are irrelevant at best, and not even on our horizon of goals and dreams for our self-directed, passionate kids.

So don't get all panicky when the kids decide they're over workbooks and would rather dive deep into all those things that were previously just limited to fun, lazy Saturdays.

Unschooling is like a pendulum, and you've got to be willing to embrace both sides of the swing.

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