The story on how I got my spirit name - White Walking Feather
I'm going to start this story in 2001, the year that I surrendered and decided to let go of my harmful behaviours and learn a new, healthy way of living my life. My recovery from depression and suicide attempts changed my life. It allowed me to reconcile my relationship with my wife after three years of separation and near divorce. It was a lot of hard, gut wrenching, soul searching, painful, healthy work, but I did it and I now speak openly about it every chance I get.
It is this experience that is the foundation for all my work now. Even after 16 years, I will continue to share my story so that we can explore the violence in our lives and find a new way of living. That journey also resulted in my wife and I realizing that even our relationship with the state is a violent and coercive one. Because we worked so hard to have healthy, peaceful, loving relationships in our lives, we decided to say 'no' to that relationship as well. It was difficult as the state does not like it when people say no to them.
But we persevered and by building earthships, greenhouses, gardens, and returning to the land, we found a way to support ourselves and disconnect our dependency on the state. In 2008 I met a special man by the name of Ben Stewart. He attended my very first workshop in Toronto and we have been friends ever since. At the time he had just released his film Esoteric Agenda, which you can find on gaia.com or copies are still on Youtube. After that event he released Kymatica which I like to think I had some influence with that film. But in 2009 he approached me about making a film about my life. I was honoured and excited at first. Ben came and did some filming on the land we steward and afterwards I got scared and said no. It took almost a year for me to come around to the idea and I then approached him and said yes. In October 2011, UNGRIP was released on Youtube! Ben and I have been friends for nearly 10 years and I love the man very much. The work we did changed my life and I am grateful for the experience.
A few years later, I got a Facebook message from a fellow that went by the name Sweetgrass Sitting Bear. He wanted to come see me after seeing UNGRIP and I was open to the opportunity to build a relationship with him. We found an instant connection as he loved our life style so much he invited others that he knew to come meet us and see our way of life. Living off grid, away from the state, growing our own food and building a relationship with Mother Earth is what really resonated with him. I've had some very important, influential and famous people visit me here over the years as a result of my relationship with Sweetgrass Sitting Bear or as his colonial masters call him, Benjamin Badger.
I know for a fact that Sweetgrass Sitting Bear feels that our life style shows respect to Treaty 6, to Mother Earth and our relationship with the nêhiyawin of Treaty 6. Without realizing it, our efforts to live off the land and be free, had a huge impact on him and many others. By walking the path my wife and I inadvertently demonstrated respect to them and their interpretation of Treaty 6. For them, we were all supposed to be at peace with one another and share the land without interfering with each other.
Our dedication to peace, freedom and independence caught their eye and two years ago I was invited to my very first ceremony. I had no idea what to expect and I went out of faith and trust of my new spiritual brother. I brought seeds and tobacco as a gift, Sweetgrass also gave me a print to give to the elder as well. I will not share the ceremony itself as it is sacred. But at the end of the ceremony I was called up and given a white eagle feather with the name of White Walking Feather.
I was deeply moved to tears. I did not expect to be given the feather at all as it was a total surprise. I was told that I am doing great work and to keep it up. I was also told that night that 'I AM the land'. Ever since I explored my spirituality, I wanted a spirit name. However, I absolutely refused to ask for one. I wanted it to be given. That night I received more than I could have possibly imagined. The implications are still being felt years later.
For me, I got recognized for our years and years of work, dedication to peace, freedom and independence. We were recognized for our abilities and commitment to Mother Earth, healthy living and our relationship with all life. But I also think we were recognized for not seeing the color of skin, for respecting other people for their beliefs and customs. My friend Sweetgrass Sitting Bear respects me and I have a deep respect for him. We have overcome the bitter feelings that have plagued many for hundreds of years. I've done similar work with others as well and as a result, I would estimate that 25% of my friends on Facebook are indigenous people. They like the work that I AM doing and they follow my work with great interest.
I AM a warrior now, a leader by example and that took me years of hard work to accept that. I've had people approach me and I would refuse, feeling unworthy. In many ways I still feel unworthy, but I have accepted that the life we live is an example for other people to at least contemplate if we want to heal and reconcile our relationships.
I have Sweetgrass Sitting Bear to thank for that as he helped me grow a great deal as I'm sure I helped him. I also met two wonderful people this past summer who came up from Mexico. Fabian and Gabby also had a huge impact on me and really helped me to accept me for who I AM, especially as a leader. Fabian gave me a special gift as well, which moved me to tears. I was given two feathers, each representing the divine feminine and divine masculine. The stick helps connect Mother Earth and Father Sky during ceremony.
Being gifted a feather from an indigenous individual is like being given a gift from the highest ranking diplomat. Now I've been recognized twice for the work that we do. It is such a huge honour that I weep every time I think about these gifts that were given to me. If we really want to reconcile our relationships with the ayisiniwak (people) of Turtle Island or other places around the world, we really do need to change our behaviour, life style and outlook on life.
I've been honoured by indigenous leaders from the top and bottom of Turtle Island. I think it is time now to all work together to change how we are living so that we can walk the path of reconciliation. This is not a matter of them changing for us, but rather us changing for them. We need to end the violence, genocide and colonial ways of life so that we can demonstrate our dedication to peace and freedom. They will see this effort and reach out. We must re-establish a level of trust so that they feel safe to reach out. Otherwise, we risk conflict and further violence.
What does White Walking Feather mean?
I did some digging on line to see what it all means. I'm no expert on indigenous meanings, but loosely what I found is this.
White
The color white means peace and happiness. White was also the color used to represent winter, the white tribes of Europe, north on the medicine wheel, air, the intellect and animals.
Walking
Walking is a method of healing, protest and awareness which can also be tied into the non-violent, peaceful non-compliance strategies all the way back to Gandhi.
Feather
Feather means trust, honor, strength, wisdom, power, freedom. Eagles have a special connection with the heavens since they fly so high.
Translation
My dear friend and sister Ansley Simpson, an anishinaabe (Ojibway) from Toronto helped me heal through several years of homeopathic treatments, but she also helped me come to terms with the name. I love her dearly! She told me that I am being asked to start healing the land, much like what we have done already on the land that we steward. By traveling across this land, I can help to heal people and the land.
So I dedicate this post to Ben, Ansley, Fabian, Gabby and especially Sweetgrass Sitting Bear for changing my life for ever and helping me reinforce and support the principles that I've worked on for over 16 years; peace, freedom, prosperity, joy and love. Thank you for your support, guidance, education, friendship and love. I love you all very much. May my blog help others do the same.
May Spirit continue to move us all along this path so that we can lead by example with honour, integrity, friendship, peace and mutual respect.
Thank you for sharing your story - White Walking Feather! You have paved a way for many not only to live in harmony with our Mother Earth but also to reconcile our relationships with the ayisiniwak. (by the way, my eyes wet while reading your story.)
Thank you for hearing the message and contemplating the path that leads to reconciliation with others. It is not an easy path, but it is one that we all must walk if we are going to move forward. We can no longer depend on the fictional constructs to do the work for us. We must do it, individually! My eyes are wet yet again reading your post. <3 Thank you for having the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
Reading that brought tears to my eyes too...the level of honour and respect you have for these Beautiful People, is so sincere. You deserve every accolade White Walking Feather <3 <3 <3 You are more than worthy.
I wrote that post with tears in my eyes. At times it was difficult to see the words on the screen. Thank you Lyndsay. I really do love them all dearly! Yourself included.
Feeling your Love, every day <3 <3 <3
Incredible story. I think having been given your spirit name and the Eagle feather from the elder would have been an extremely satisfying moment in life. Definitely a life changing experience :)
Indeed it was. My life changes significantly when events like that happen. They seem to be happening more frequently lately too! <3 It is humbling and scary, but I will push through despite the fear and feelings of unworthiness. I accept it now and work hard to maintain the honour in which the gifts were given. I then turn the gift around and pay it forward. That is why I do the work that I do. That is why I give away my story rather than printing and selling books. People think I am crazy, but my needs have always been met. So I pay it forward.
Beautiful! You will continue to always have your needs met. Your positive attitude and paying it forward are always appreciated the universe. I enjoy reading your work it makes me feel a lot better about life when I do. There is purpose :)
You reminded me of what happened years ago. 2001 was my year of transformation, turning from a caterpillar into a butterfly. I lived most of my life as an agnostic or atheist. I did the work, healed and life was going very well. But then I felt empty. I had no purpose. What was the point of life? Why was I here? What am I doing?
A friend gave me a book called "A Purpose Driven Life" and that is when I started my spiritual journey and realized that the two decades of depression, suicide attempts, darkness, pain and turmoil was preparing me for my purpose: to help people have healthy relationships.
I believe that Creator put me through hell and back to train me to do this work that I am doing today. I have NO doubt about that in my mind. Every post that I write I pray holds a secret in how we all can change our ways so that we can find love, peace, freedom, prosperity and joy in our lives. No more blaming other people, but instead taking 100% responsibility and accountability for our lives. That is my purpose. That is why I speak on radio shows, participate in documentaries, write books, blogs, etc. That is why I respond to people like yourself, who have demonstrated a desire to do the same.
That is my purpose and I know that Creator will keep me safe and provide me with the resources I need to fulfill that purpose. I found my purpose when I was about 37 years old and I've walked that path ever since. There were days where I wondered out loud "What in the HELL am I doing?". There are days where I question myself. But when I work it all out and answer the question, I am reminded of my purpose, accept it and move on. At times it may seem bizarre, weird or down right crazy. But it seems to be working out somehow. Like you said:
I've had more days of this then I have normal days. hahah
What I'm mean by that is I can't count the amount of times I've sat in my vehicle thinking what is the purpose of this of life? Why do I have to freeze outside on a roof putting duct work together for some pieces of paper. I've thought countless times about how people can just keep working, buying stuff, watching tv and acting like they know the people in the shows and somehow it's their life in there as well. Through all of this nobody is questioning who we are? why we're here? What is the purpose of this life? How can it be so simple for all these people and I can't figure out a single thing in life?
Have you been able to answer that question yet? Have you figured out your purpose so that you can then engage in life with meaning and a determination that would be the envy of most? ;)
Not really no. I sway back and forth. Sometimes I'm closer to think I have and sometimes I feel so far away from it I feel completely lost. That's why I was saying when I read some of your articles I feel really good and feel a lot closer to knowing and understanding the purpose. Then other times in life happen and drag me all around doing all sorts of things I really don't want to be doing only feeling like I have to and that takes away from it all.
I hear you. Sometime I feel that way even now. Sometimes I have to go out there and fix a computer or do something I don't like. I'm good at it, but that is not where my heart is. But I also find that those activities introduce me to somebody or helps out in ways that I never contemplated before. The deck that I just finished has made a new neighbour and allie. So I do it because I never know what may manifest as a result. It seems to always work out one way or another. It has helped me to keep my spirits up with giddy excitement wondering what will unfold next. I hope this helps. <3
I have great respect for you, your knowledge and wisdom, White Walking Feather. You have been bestowed by the people of Turtle Island. I don't know of anyone more deserving. I hope to follow in your foot steps. I have much to learn. This was a very emotional post to read through tear filled eyes.
Thank you @cecicastor. Now you got me crying again. :') I am honoured by your words and I thank you for sharing them with me. I will do my best to keep sharing for as long as Creator permits me to do the work.
You actually really are a leader by example. At Cedarville we want to lead by example too, but have a long way to go it seems still. In a way you are a leader of leaders I guess, since we all try to be more peaceful and non reliant on the state and what you do is a great example of that. One day I hope we can also lead by example, sooner then later. Thanks for all the good directions!
Thank you. If we can all find that leader within, then we won't need others to lead. It is when we abdicate our responsibility to lead our own life and give that authority and responsibility to somebody else is where the problems really start to manifest. A world full of leaders, how wonderful would that be? <3
Haha sounds like what we are trying to create, yes. Thank you for all of the wonderful insights.
I apprecuate your story, your sharing is beautiful @wwf. I am building the courage to free myself from the state. To say no to them. And, yes to truth. I fee so fearful as I am alone now. Having lost my husband to really bad relationship. But, I have faith my path will unfold step by step. I appreciate this opportunity to be vulnerable. I appreciate and find strentgh in your light and journey as well as yours @lyndseybowes ....so many tears. Full of love. We've got this. Namaste.
After years of trials and tribulations, I found the challenges in life prepared me and taught me. I know saying this does not take away the fear, pain, vulnerability or sorrow that I'm sure you are feeling. Your vessel is still breathing air and that is a wonderful gift. I know it is not possible for me to be there physically for you, but I do share here and we can interact to help one another. I pray that sharing my journey will bring you hope, strength and inspiration to move forward in your life. The tears are healing. I agree. We got this! May Creator bless you with peace, freedom, prosperity, joy and love.
So interesting to read about your journey. Receiving the two feathers does seem to be truly an honour above honours.
2001 was by the chance the year we made our move from city to countryside. As a trivial, but for me symbolic, gesture at the time I gave away my watch and have never had one since.
Although of course I can see the time on computers etc, not carrying the time with me, allowed me in a small way to connect a little more with the world around me. I would look up in the sky for the sun to tell me the time.
That was a starting point for me to begin to connect with the land I inhabit. Every day if I look a little bit closer and listen a little more carefully the earth shares another of its secrets with me.
Bravo. I've not worn a watch in years as well. It is very liberating eh! Thank you for sharing. <3 It is truly a wonderful journey if we 'let go' of the constructs that have governed for far too long.
this is really fantastic content for all of us. please all the time you must share this types of content sir
thank you for sharing white walking feather.