Wife Points!
I have a theory.....and a practice I suppose. I call it Wife Points© Lemme start at the beginning.
I am pretty sure we are not meant to be attached to one partner as a species since we were shat from the ocean. I don't believe in a single soul mate or the notion that there is a single individual you are meant to be with. That being the case, I married my wife a number of years ago (I should know that number off the top of my head but let me get to that) and made a promise. This promise was simply that I am choosing the path that involves a journey with her til the end of that path and spending ZERO effort in looking for an escape from that path.
I look at divorce rates in North America at least and that can be discouraging......if you believe you have to follow someone else's path and believe they mysteriously have the solutions to your personal, customized challenges. I personally don't and believe I will do it, and spend zero effort otherwise. Sure there are challenges, and a swashbuckling life seeker like myself really would have had to pick someone who could handle that, or I would have been walked out on years ago. So it is definitely not just me and I owe 45% of the success to my wife (Only 45% because I put the majority of the responsibility on myself as I can control that and if I am met in the middle, we have 5% of an overshot that can equate to real happiness.)
Here are a couple key points/opinions I would like to pass on, have debated and discussed, and get your input on.
Personal Happiness
source: http://www.collective-evolution.com/2015/11/13/what-is-wrong-with-the-pursuit-of-personal-happiness/
Nobody needs to provide you with happiness, or really can for that matter. The only thing we have really, is ourselves, our health and our happiness. That is a double edged sword though as we are personally responsible for our own happiness. If you think a relationship can last or be successful if you don't at the very least, bring a happy person to the table as half of the union, don't get married or get good at filing prenups. **You are responsible for your own happiness foremost.
General Success Principals
Source: thethoughtelevators.com
I think intelligence (or even lack thereof) plus time = wisdom. In my years, I have also learned that laziness fostered constructively can become efficiency. So, I try and find universal truths I can just lock into myself so that even when I am on autopilot (the brain is an emergency mechanism) I have a greater chance of a positive trajectory. Here are a couple of them on the top of my head that translate directly into success as a couple:
- If it is to be, it is up to me - If you stand around and expect someone to do your job for you, build a successful business for you, or foster a positive relationship for you, you can assume it won't happen. It is up to you to take responsibility and that is the first step to reciprocity.
- You Win or you Learn - This was initially a way to sooth my competitive spirit when I failed on the way to success and was driven home in Jiu Jitsu. If you can get into the pattern of "well that sucked. What did we learn?" rather than playing the blame game, you tend to get better results.
- You don't do the things you like to do. You like the things you have to do - You HAVE to exchange affection, do the chores, and work hard if you want to play hard. Find a way to enjoy those things and they get easier along with your relationship.
Competition
Source: under30ceo.com
One reason for the rise in the divorce rate, in my amateur assessment, is the shift from benevolent financial dictatorship to equal partnership as mom and dad are now the breadwinners. This may be an evolution in our culture but nobody really thought about the consequences of evening out the authority. Good and bad, if you can not constantly jostle for position and upper hand and concede that you are on the same team and BOTH working for financial viability/stability/freedom, is easier to pull the rope in the same direction. Easier said than done I know but these realizations are the first steps in the race.
And, the piece-de-resistance:
Wife Points
Source: https://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-get-wife-points/
This post is long enough already so I am going to challenge myself to explain it very succinctly. I make sure there is the concept of a running balance of currency, that is made to be both saved and spent in a liquid manor. I earn it by handling the things that are my department, garbage, exterior chores, home security, kids taxi duty, parenting when it is time for someone else to go have fun as a person instead of a mom, and the list is pretty much as endless as I can come up with to do my part or more. I spend them by being able to have beers with buddies, Wednesday/regatta sailing, training jiu jitsu, making the basement stink like a brewery, making the mistakes I am to obtuse to know I am making, and the list goes on as long as I am a smelly-ass beer-drinking fun-having adventure-seeking mistake-making epic conquest in a can.
Here is what inspired this post to begin with. I earned some wife points while enjoying a long weekend!
Facebook Post with identities withheld to protect the normies:
"First veggie garden in 'Zekeville'. Thank you 'Zeke' for building our garden box. 'my hot friend' will supply the bees and I'll supply the tomatoes and peppers."
Most times, I get nothing which is good because it makes for a few more silent wife points. When it gets broadcast for all of facebook to see? That's good wife points! When all the likes are women, you know I am doing well!
I may report back from time to time on special Wife Point moments in my exotic and ridiculous life or relay the lessons I may pick up along the way. If I have inspired the fellas to at least keep a running track of the deficit or surplus you are running, may it lead to one more happier person/couple on the planet.
another point for you... 😊 @peekbit
😅
Ah yes. It is a lovely marathon really.
Thanks for the feedback!
☺️ @peekbit
Enjoyed the article. Met my wife back in high school. She attended a Catholic HS and I attended the local public school. Met through a mutual friend. At the time she was 15 and I was 17. Got married by 22 and have been going strong since then. We have had our share of tough times. Early on in our marriage we made a promise to never go to bed mad at each other. That philosophy has worked rather nice because problems do not fester then. Showing gratitude and verbalizing that is also key. Who doesn't want to hear thanks or nice job. Take an interest in what your partners ambitions are. Be a good listener. With this said, the most important aspect in our relationship that keeps us connected is staying intimate. After 42 years of marriage we still take the time to have tender moments. Throwing in the towel has never been an option which has led us down a path I would not change for the world. Four children and six grandchildren later life is good.
There is some heavy wisdom right there!
I think the most defining point for me was the fact that throwing the towel was never an option. You work more on the solution (or are a glutton for misery) if that is the case.
I think I have met one of your kids on STEEMit and if he is any indication, you have done well!
Thanks Mr Sweed!
thanks for the compliment. If you are talking about ryan313, yes he is my son. Great young man. The most important job as a parent is raising children and coming from a family where hard work is the norm tends to rub off on your kids. Practice what you preach. Keep up the great work. Our children are the future of our nation!!!
Yah that's the one. Good with his cryptos too!
My little ones need a little work for the future but they will be able to fight and grow food at the very least.
I think the idea of "Wife points" is great until you try to cash them in and the store doesn't feel like accepting them.
BTW.. this is a real thing:
nice list... 😊 @peekbit
Awesome!
The fact that I have earned them means I can spend them. There are blackout periods that are reasonable and peak times where you have to spend more of them but balanced out by periods where I get them for free and earn them in a premium fashion.
Great post man, I enjoyed reading it. Interesting philosophy as well :-) Would be interesting to have a bit of insight on your wife's perspective on all of this too! To what extent does she agree? :-P
Hey! I am the boss around here and she ......oh shit here she comes!
She would tell you that I spend more points than I earn to keep me honest. She is not quite as good at making herself happy on her own as I am and the fact I enjoy life so much is sometimes a point of contention. We compete a little more than we should and our life is a work in progress as it will always be.
That being said we have been married a good number of years and she is in charge of knowing the exact number as I generally don't know. ;)
I’m no expert on the subject since I recently went they a divorce bc I was in an abusive relationship. But I can tell you it’s about compromise. You have to be able to give in take. And communication. You should be able to be open and honest about things . You should be able to discuss things. If you can compromise , communicate and love one another it will always last . It’s when you lose these things that relationships don’t last.
Definitely true. A bit along the lines of "you win or you learn" and intelligence over a longer period of time can equal wisdom. Communication coming from the right place to the right recipient could be the key as well.
Wise words indeed.
Tip... flowers.. women are suckers for shit like that lol..
Hell yah!
Flowers are great insta wifepoints. Plus, when she is aware of the wifepoints system, she unconsciously makes note of the points earned, and prepares herself for an expenditure on my part in the form of going sailing tonight!
The key points are really great and understanding.
Just passing on what I have found to work and add to it with the brilliance of the blockchain!
Ha!!! Finally good to hear you talk about your relationship and home life!
Yah I suppose I just turn mistakes on this canvas into fluffy little clouds Bob Ross style.
He was the master!
Duuuuuuude - Brilliant!
Simply Brilliant.
I had to read this out loud as it is something that needs to be echoed loud and clear.
Man - Well Done - Keep doing it.
The Play is real here and It's really appreciated. Thanks for keeping it real.
It really means a lot.
Solid Word Regard Dude - Play On!
High praise from a world class player! Feedback much appreciated!
I am not sure everyone would agree with earning wife points in all the ways you earn them, although I must agree that some seem like fun.
Personally I find that making promises to your wife can earn almost as many points as actually doing it. For example, my wife wants me to clear out the garden shed. I told her that I’ll be doing it soon, and she can stop reminding me every six months.
We must also be smart enough to understand what is really meant when our wife starts hinting. For example my wife started by telling me that I look tired, and I deserve a holiday (first hint). Then a few days later I saw a load of holiday brochures placed in strategic locations like next to my armchair, on the kitchen table, in the loo, and beside my bed (hint two). Then this week she dropped a third hint. She said, “I heard Hawaii is a really nice place, I think you’d like it there”. Of course being a man, I just grunted. We are not supposed to understand these kinds of subltle hints. But I do. So guess what? I’ve gone and secretly bought a ticket to Hawaii. I just hope that she thinks it is far enough away from her.
YES! That is awesome!
I try an encourage open communication meaning there is no need to hint and we can discuss anything. Doesn't always happen that way but at least I want to get away from any passive aggressive behavior.
So, you bought one ticket to Hawaii? I think you may have missed the point! ;)