ULOG #1 | THIS IS HOW THE DAY WENT IN CASE YOU ARE ASKING.

_{Photo by Bernard Tuck on Unsplash.}

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Dear friends,

I had an interesting day today. I woke up early and drank a sachet of water, then I went to warm my egusi soup, prepared by my aunt for my consuming pleasure. After warming it, I inhaled and exhaled and inhaled some more then I picked the broom and swept the kitchen.

While I was sweeping, a devilish thought came to me that I should fix my rosary that had cut some weeks before. I had tied it and it was doing fine on my neck but i wanted to melt the knot that I had made, so it would be stuck together. So I took a gas lighter, held it to the rosary and it burnt the rope. The next thing I saw was black beads bouncing all over the kitchen floor. The devil was at work, I tell you.

That rosary had accompanied me since 2013 through the thick and thin, rain and sunshine, bathing and booty worshipping and now it cuts in a kitchen, in some town where we know no one? I am bereaved.

I left that place, my stomach in a uproar, my hands filled with the remnants of what used to be a sacramental and entered my room, packed my dirty boxer shorts, a sachet of Ariel detergent; it's now 80 naira (the world is coming to an end, my friends), tore it open, then went to the bathroom and poured the detergent and my boxer shorts into a bucket of water. Don't ask me stupid questions, let me do my ulog and finish.

So what did I do next? Okay, I let the undies soak then I came back to arrange my clothes which I had just picked from the dry cleaners into my bag. Yes I am lazy, sue me.

In the middle of my arrangement, I brought out my coin collection, I have about 22 coins of unknown worth. I have one whose identity I am yet to decipher as the writings are in some Asian characters. Maybe you will be able to help me. I also have two Nigerian stamps of unknown quality. If you collect stamps or coins, holla at me, maybe I have something worth something that you need for your own collection, you know. I have no clue what I am talking about though.

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_{My coin spread. Do you see anything you like? Maybe I will do a post on it later eh?}

| _{Someone please identify this coin for me!}

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I also stared at the earrings of an ex-girlfriend which she had left behind as she left my house the day after she tried to kill herself because I didn't escort her to the bathroom. We had some good times, she and me, some really wild going on back then. Please bring your thoughts back to the present.

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_{I don't know if it is gold or something else. Can I sell it? She is married with kids now. It won't matter right?}

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Then the devil came again and suggested that I tried to fix the rosary again. I got the candle I had bought at the Easter vigil last month, a program that I had stayed for until after the bonfire then left. What do you think? There is no one to open the gate to my house once it is past 9pm and I did not fancy sleeping out in the cold. One could get raped like that, by mosquitoes.

I cut away the wax from the aforementioned candle and took the twine within. I tried to tie it to the rosary and add the beads then melt it together but that didn't work. The twine burnt fast and didn't melt. Next I filled the beads into the rosary twine, joined the three parts together and lit the gas lighter over it. Beads melted, the room stank of burning plastic, my eyes watered and then it was done. When i tried to wear it over my head, my head couldn't pass. When I tried too hard, the twine broke again. Obviously, my head had grown bigger. The devil was at work, I tell you. Mtschew...

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_{Five years of romance at an end.}

_{Zoomed in just to show you how dumb people can be.}

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I left that failed project and went to wash my boxer shorts after which I hung them outside on my neighbour's line to dry.

Please note that at this time, my phone and laptop batteries were both flat, so I had no connection with the outside world or with you.

I brushed my teeth and managed to leave a bristle stuck in my teeth after which I sat down and wasted ink, writing down my activities for the day. After wasting 30 minutes of my life, I went to the kitchen and picked the bowl of eba that I had made and eaten out of yesterday, dished some of that lovely egusi soup and settled down to eat.

The food went well and i thought of sleeping but I had work to do, so I had my bath, got dressed, packed my laptop charger and phone charger, my laptop and my cut rosary into my bag and left the house.

I boarded a bike, and zoomed to my homie, George's photo studio. They always have power, so as soon as I got in, I plugged my stuff to charge and sat down to gist with a beautiful programmer that I have been trying to woo into this beautiful platform. She was busy on her laptop, doing a coding test, so I let her be.

I and the photographers and editors soon got chatting about stuff. I heard Buhari has moved Democracy day to June 12, is that true? I don't watch TV lr listen to the radio. I have enough liars around me. I will not spend money to hear more lies, no.

Soon we moved to photography, then scriptwriting,then books, then movies, then animation, then celebrity gossip, then customers came with babies for a photoshoot and I decided that it was time to get back to work.

BTW, I got there pretty programmer to talk to me and she gave me some movies which I will be indulging in later at night when all my work is done.

So here I am, once again, at home, still no electric power, telling you about my day. Is this how a Ulog is written? Oh well never mind me, carry on.

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Ps: all photos were taken with my phone, Infinix Hot5 lite, except otherwise stated.

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Yours Affectionately,
©@warpedpoetic