Am I Playing It Too Safe?

^{Source: Pixabay}

After reading @surpassinggoogle’s new initiative called “Ulog” (You-log), I suddenly realized that I haven’t shared much of myself in this platform. And when I say “much of self”, that means I rarely incorporate too much of my emotions in my write-ups. I usually post informative contents about finance since I believe I have already created such brand on this platform. However, in the process being too much technical, I just shrugged the idea of letting my emotions flow through writing.

Right now, I just want to take a short break from posting finance articles and focus more on my inner thoughts. The thoughts that may show the vulnerable side of me. And I will start this Ulog Series by asking myself this question, “Am I playing too safe?”

All my life, I am very concerned about how others think about me. I am too conscious and too sensitive about other people’s opinions. I would rather stay quiet than to argue with someone having contradicting thoughts as mine. I am afraid of being misjudged, of being misunderstood. I am scared of starting a war. I am too passive in fighting for what I believe in.

I’ve been carrying such burden even until now. I am too afraid to ask and too reluctant to confront. My friends consider me as a bubbly little girl who is happy go lucky in almost all things. Always going with the flow. Always the life of the party. Am I? Or am I just too shallow in letting them know what I truly feel because I am afraid of being left behind or being negatively different from the rest?

I have a very high-risk tolerance when it comes to financial investments, but it is the exact opposite when it comes to my personal relationships. I am afraid of investing too much of my emotions. I am frightened of being attached for I know I would just end up getting hurt.

The comfortability that I am feeling inside this invisible shell is too cozy that I just want to let myself sleep all the worries away. I am afraid of going out to take risks in life. I have already built my walls surrounding that shell, creating a second layer of protection. It is a thick-walled defense that it is very challenging to break out and very difficult for someone or something to break through.

_{I don’t know if someone feels exactly the way I do but is it just me? Or am I just playing it too safe?}