Depression Ulog
Hey Steem fam, how goes it? I hope y'all are having a better time than me, because I have been a slug.
My posting often gets spotty (for me) when I'm having a harder-than-usual time of it, because there's nothing really to say except "I feel awful," or "I stayed in bed today," which isn't exactly fascinating blog fodder, hey?
But I'm being honest, because this is largely what my life is like. I tried eating today for the first time since my last post in the Steemit Sandwich Contest, which was two days ago. Don't knock people posting photos of food on the internet - otherwise, some of us wouldn't know how to answer the question, "when was the last time you ate?"
I got this far into the big (only that big because I had an awkward amount of ground beef left that I needed to cook before it went bad) burger I made and I just couldn't force myself any more. I am one of those depressive people who don't eat during the worst; other people depression-eat. So today I ate a quarter of a burger; two days ago I ate a sammich; two days before that I ate a chimichanga (I remember that because I took a photo of it in case I blogged, but I didn't blog. See? It's my food log here. LOL). I am still a healthy weight though; sometimes when I have spans like this I wonder how I'm not smaller, but I guess that's a 40 year old's metabolism. Makes me wonder if I'm a healthy weight and eating every two days, how people are supposed to eat normally and be a healthy weight. Because I don't recommend The Phe Diet. Maybe it's counterbalancing the excessive amount of lying down.
Yuan helped me fold laundry, on one of the rare moments I was sitting up. And Maggie let me cut some knots out of her fur tonight! She's feeling really relaxed if she lets me ninja snip those knots. Normally, she doesn't like me combing, brushing, snipping, any grooming at all. And don't get me started about trying to help her wash. Oh no. Girlfriend does not put up with that hooman nonsense. She lets me pet her belly, but put a brush in my hand and suddenly I'm Dr. Evil up in here.
actual mental image Maggie has of anyone with a grooming tool in hand
The other day I made a quart of chocolate syrup and did about 1/3 of a load of dishes. That was my productive time.
the blackness of my soul in a jar
bubbly soul
I finished the second half of (reading!) a novel I started months ago. Having the focus to read is rare, so that felt productive too, even if it was lying in bed still. I finished it. My accomplishments are small. When depression first hit, all I did was lie in bed and read. I was in college, so my dorm-mates thought I was studying. Nope. I was reading James Clavell and Jean M. Auel novels. Oh, and Anne Rice. I was heavy into vampires in college.
Youthful image of Yuan to tell you that he was named after a vampire in the stories I wrote in college, lol
youthful image of Maggie to tell you that she has been taking good care of me and has barely left my side the past two days, snuggling up to me in bed. Yuan has not been very happy about that turn of events, as bed snuggling is normally His Job, but I appreciate my Maggie time
Other than that, um, yeah ...I was in bed staring at the back of my eyelids. Today is the first time I've used the laptop in a few days, even, because "laptop" was too much effort. And I've been freezing my ass off and whining about it piteously. I have no tolerance for cold. There has been a heating pad in my bed. And a cat, of course.
This one! (also an old pic)
Be good, Steemit! <3
That minnow your mama always warned you about
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In spite of everything, life tends to be better with cats! Glad you have your furry friends to help guide you through the darkness.
Depression can be some icky stuff. One of my Hoomans has wrestled with it his entire adult life... so we know this stuff. And send purrs.
=^..^=
Thank you. ^_^
Animals can be such a blessing at these sorts of times. Even if you won't look after yourself, you have to look after them. Forces us into action.
I'm like you when I'm down. I have to force myself to eat or I'd disappear. Not been writing much myself either, until these last couple of days. Just haven't found the motivation. Hope things pick up for you soon. Does the winter weather keeping you in compound things? Back in England, some days I'd force myself to get out of the house, despite the weather, to keep myself from spiraling down.
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Yeah, it probably does compound it, and the darkness too. Normally though, my historically lowest time is spring? So maybe not so much. LOL
That is any odd low time! Unless it's the compounding of the winter that's reached crisis point before you can start to cone back up. Interestingly, summer is now the time I'm worst; namely in the heatwaves. It just sucks all the spirit out of you.
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See, I like heat, and wish I could hibernate in winter. LOL But you might be right, like, maybe my body is on delay and takes a while to catch up.
I like heat too, because I struggle to keep warm in winter. However, our heatwaves can average 110°F! Before we came here I could never have imagined what that would feel like. In a way our seasons are turned upside in more ways than one. Our summer is when very little grows, instead of winter. The extreme is just towards heat instead of cold.
Ohhhh okay, yeah. 110* is too hot even for me. LOL
In this case, through time! I personally am taking some online courses, which also work to gamify my brain into thinking that progress is being made on all pending existential crises ;p
Winter Blessings to you!
Ha ha ha, progress on all pending existential crises. I like that. :)
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