Ulog 01: My fear in Public Speaking
I am encouraged with all the post about #ulog and got curious about it. I found out it was initiated by one of the man I look up to here in Steemit @surpassinggoogle. Since it's Monday, it is appropriate to start my week right along with some reflection within myself.I got excited with the concept of ulog since it focuses more on being me. Embracing the authenticity of my well being without wearing any mask and become beautiful in my own way. Beautiful despite of the scars of yesterdays and strive to become better each day.
One of the biggest challenge for me is to speak in public or in a group. I am used to silence my voice, my opinion as if it really doesn't matter because I thought my opinion doesn't have any value. This is one of the weakness I am struggling with but the more I escape from it, the more it's chasing me. Speaking to the public will unleash the vulnerability within me that is the reason why I hated it. I want to stay in my comfort zone.
Yesterday, I was assigned to do the offering prayer in our church, for somebody it's just a piece of cake but for me it's like jumping off from the high rise building.It is scary like I am thinking what if my mind freezes in front then, will be out of words. What if I stutter?I am conscious with grammar, what If I'll pronounce it wrong? My chest is heavy and I can hear the thumping of my heart. I am sweating head over heels and I want to run as fast as I could. My mind loops with all the chatters but wait a minute, why am I feeling this?I took a deep breath and conditioned my mind. I tried to wash away the destructive thought and replace it with positive one.
It is not about me,It is all about HIM.It is expressing gratitude for all the blessings.Nobody cares about me but it is what I will say that matters.I am just overthinking. I challenge myself to be in front to do it and I did! I am still a bit shaky but it's a good start.
I thought that would end my day but we also had open discussion in the afternoon and I volunteered as a moderator in the group. What am I thinking?
I am slowly testing myself and breaking my shell to talk more. It is just a casual open forum talking about life,anything under the sun along with my churchmates but for me not used to express myself I am not that comfortable conversing to a group. I hate it when I compare myself to those people who effortlessly speak to the public, their ideas is just flowing. Where are those punchlines coming from? Going back, I didn't do well playing as a moderator,I kept on laughing since I dont know what to say. I'm being foolish I guess... hiding my nervousness behind laughter.
One thing I learned about myself today though, is that I need to be patient with myself. .. I think I am too hard on me afraid of criticisms and judgement.
I am not aspiring to be a renowned speaker but my goal is to express my ideas and myself freely to the public whenever situation calls. It is not an abrupt change but I know I'm getting there. When? I dont know...but one thing for sure, I will work hard to achieve it.
My invisible mentor Jim Rohn says during an interview , he was asked how did he became a great speaker.He said, He was not good at first but his secret? He did it OVER and OVER AGAIN.
Just like when we are a baby learning to walk, we stand up when we fall down until walking is just natural thing for us. I think it is also the same with public speaking.
Please comment below what is your experience and how did you ovecome the fear of public speaking. It would really help me and other readers as well.
Until next ulog post,