I Want to Give My Child My Last Name
My husband sometimes reads my blogs, so I am being “brave” by publishing this before I have a full discussion with him…
I have been having these thoughts since the beginning of my pregnancy and finally had the courage to say it out loud to my best friend who, even though is going through a divorce, was hesitant to give me her full blown support.
Let’s pray about it she kindly told me.
But I don’t want to pray about it, I want to do it.
This is the fourth child my body makes. This is the fourth time, I feel a body grow inside me. The fourth round of making my body not my own. The fourth time that I am doing something HUGE. And it is the first time, I honor what it is that I am doing it as ME doing it.
Yes, of course, my husband is there, but he is not the one making feet and eyes, and skin.
My decision is not based on wanting to honor my father’s last name or not honor my husband.
My decision is based on wanting to honor my role instead of anybody else’s.
I have grown tremendously since my last children were born. I have realized that most non-colonized societies are matrilineal. I have realized that my family is a tribe, I have realized that the mother is the head of the family. I have learned to honor my role as a matriarch.
And I have realized that I want to turn society on its head, without taking society down.
It is such a small, and partially insignificant stance, but it feels so important for me.
I named my first child, but only after her father agreed. I gave her his last name, and now he is gone.
I let my husband’s mother name my second child. She named the child after her mother, and then chastised me for wanting to change the spelling (I didn’t) only later did I realize that she didn’t really honor her mother in life nor now in death.
Now she won't even acknowledge that she was given the honor of naming the child.
My son was named after his father. Who was named by combining the names of his mother and father together.
And now, I chose the name for my child. The first and the middle. A tribal first name in the language of my maternal grandmothers. A Nahuatl Middle name, to honor the language that glued our people together before the colonizers took over. And now I want to give her my last name. To remind her and everyone that we are a matrilineal society.
I wonder how to go about it.