BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME

She put me through the emotional mangle.
All she did to me was squeeze.
She took the milk of human kindness.
And turned it into cottage cheese.

At first everything was hunky dory.
Things were going fine.
Then she said she loved me.
And she clung to me like a vine.

Things took on a new dynamic.
As relationship's tend to do.
Then she said let's move in together.
Practically out the blue.

I started feeling claustrophobic.
The walls began closing in.
She wanted to make an honest man of me.
But I preferred living in sin.

The feelings of warmth flew out the window.
Things rapidly turned cold.
I needed to find a little breathing space.
To escape this possessive stranglehold.

She didn't like rejection.
I didn't think she would.
Why didn't I just keep my big mouth shut.
Now she's after my blood.

She was as bitter as a lemon.
The situation had turned sour.
Her world had started crumbling.
There was a massive shift in power.

I never thought she would go ballistic.
She has started a personal vendetta.
Things were already bad before.
Now the futures not looking any better.

She has turned into a human bloodhound.
I don't know how she manages to track me down.
Yesterday she shadowed me like a shady private detective.
Following me all over town.

She is making my life miserable.
But I'm sure she finds this fun.
I could lose her tail in a second.
But I'm to out of shape to run.

So I just try and ignore her.
And I can do ignorance really well.
She's the type who thrives off attention.
So this strategy annoys her like hell.

I tried to break it to her gently.
It was time for us to part.
Man, you'd have thought I took an ice pick.
And rammed it through her heart.

She acted like she never saw it coming.
Then she started to cry.
She looked at me all tearfully
And with a snotty nose asked why.

I told her I wasn't good enough.
But that wasn't exactly true.
It just sounded a lot nicer.
Than I'm sick to death of you.

Our love affair had gone stale.
It was as hard a day old bread.
Everything soon went belly up.
The romance was long since dead.

She asked me for a second chance.
I said that wasn't wise.
Because I had a chance of freedom.
And I was tired of telling lies.

I said she was better off without me.
And this was absolutely true.
Then I nipped down to the pub to drown my sorrows.
Like broken hearted lovers are meant to do.

I raised a glass to my new found freedom.
And toasted a relationship that had slipped by.
Because love can be a scary thing.
And that's the truth of it, no lie.