There is a kind of tearless grief in this world, which you have no way to explain to others. Even if you try to explain it to people, they fail to understand it. It is invariable forever, just like the snow in a windless night, staying quietly in the bottom of your heart.
----Haruki Murakami "Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World"
Many times I think that our international marriage is a huge mistake. In the bottom of my heart, I am a Chinese; In the bottom of your heart, you are an American. We can never get rid of the root of the culture and social system from our respective countries.
More miserably, God doesn't allow us to adapt ourselves step by step. Everything is too late. God knows how I miss you every day! My heart always bleeds and my tears always flow for losing you.
You died, my whole world shattered. You are my long long dream come true...But if I knew such a huge tragedy was waiting for me, I'd rather you never came to China at the second time. I don't want to see you die...
Every day I walk through the minefield of memory, I still can't believe that I have ever been so happy this life...I have travelled so many places...our visiting the Summer Palace...our staying in Star 5 hotel of HK... I was priviledged to enjoy such a high honor...the feeling of being respected and admired like a royal member is so wonderful!
However, who knows in order to exchange this successful moment of ecstacy, being on the top like a real nobility, I must pay a price of my life? Do you know that your sudden death has taken away all the energy and youth of my life? I became ill and old all of sudden! The pain is always here...