#ulog7

Hello this is my #ulog7

My girls are16 and 14 years old. I feel like I have made so many wrong decisions in the last 4 years. You know how you just are thinking about something and knot swells up in your throat.You can't breathe or swallow.That is really how my last few months have been. I always try to do the best job I can for my girls but I really feel like I failed them. In March of this year my sister needed a roommate and me and my girls needed a place to live. I was very apprehensive about living with my sister but blinded by the idea that this could work. Here is a picture with my girls and my sister.

We are both busy. I mean I have two and half jobs and two kids. She is busy too. My sister has no children and a doggy. To the party I'm bringing two girls teenagers, a dog and two cats.I wanted to help her out, I knew she had a tough time. She had totaled two cars in five months and had surgery. I know my sister doesn't have a car so I knew I would be giving her rides which I didn't mind. I was pretty sure with me paying $1,000 a month she would be getting a car soon. I knew it would be a strain on the girls not to have privacy and that's what I tried to explain to my sister since they would have to crash on the couch for a couple months. I had hoped my girls could deal with this. Turns out my sister couldn't deal with them being in the living room sleeping on the couch. Turns out my sister is a neat freak and very much likes being in charge. Now I have one daughter she's pretty clean and neat and one daughter she's very messy. This proved to be a problem. My sister also likes to drink a lot. I guess I didn't realize that before I moved in. So real quick this turned into a bad situation. My girls are talking to me like my sister and copying her behavior which was the real issue.My sister was very abusive especially when she was angry. I was called awful names over and over. I realized very quickly nothing would be good enough. This is how it had been in years past but I thought we were older and wiser. I thought if we could just stick it out to the summer I could find a place close to the school. This proved not be the case. My sister and I used to be close until about 2002. My sister and I are very different people. We have made different choices throughout our life. She wanted to own her own home she's lived in the same condo for 14 years which she loves, I never really needed to own a home. She's always thought she's better than me and she probably is. There's a knot in my throat trying to hold back the tears when I say that. But my sister cross the line! cross the line with my girls. I don't know why you would ever try to turn someone's kids against them. It was almost as if my sister wanted my kids to hate me. My sister told my girls anything I didnt want them to know. I think you shoukd be able to have secrets from your kids until you want to tell them. He is an example: All through there young lives I put a high value on education. I wanted them to value it too, so I did everything possible to teach them that. I volunteered at there school 20+ hrs a week, and always tried to talk the talk. One day my Livvy was 10 and she didnt want to do her homework, imagine my surpise when she said"I don't have too, you were to dumb to graduate" What??? Nobody knows that...I told nobody... how do you know....Auntie Mary.....
Time and time again telling my girls things. Some true ,some not but things it wasn't her place to ever say!
I was having a particularly rough day with my girls since they're teenagers and their behavior is not always perfect. I just came to realize that they were copying word for word what my sister says and this was such an abusive situation. I just don't understand why you would tell your nieces anything bad about there parents. I decided I had to do something. I decided we couldn't live there anymore.It was kind of selfish. Couldn't take it anymore I just couldn't. I wasn't sure what to do but I knew I had to get the girls out of this situation. I knew it would be an uphill battle living with my sister but I had no idea the magnitude of the hatefulness, the meaness we would have to go through.