ULOG NO. 9 - Me Versus My Own Mind: The Psychological Warfare

The time has come!

My mind is playing tricks on me again.

I know that this is going to happen soon. I have been grateful that I have been sane for the past two months, I guess. I don’t know. I do not count. All I know is that I have been living peacefully with my conscience. With my inner self.

I tried to resist. I tried to break free. I tried to work and became the busiest version of myself, just so my alter ego would leave me alone. However, he is back! And he is stronger.

He is my alter ego. My id. My inner self. The most explicit and the rawest version of me. I tried to stop him, but he’s just too strong.

I prayed. I know that is what most people would say. I closed my eyes. I spoke to God. I know God can cast this negative energy away. I was trying. I was trying so hard. I closed my eyes. So hard. But I did not feel any comfort or any sympathy from anyone. Not from myself, not from God. As I closed my eyes, all I saw was total darkness. Unlike before when there were so many kinds of lights. Super dark.

He’s winning over me. This is not good. If I cannot win against him tonight, negative thoughts he would put in my mind would grow uncontrollably in the future. And that would cause me to feel so restless.

I opened my eyes. My hands were already in my head. I was screaming and crying internally. I did not want to wake my family up. They were sleeping soundly. And I was fighting my own battle. In my head.

I do not know if I am technically mentally unstable. Is this normal? Maybe. Most people feel like this, don’t they? This is just a phase. This will pass.

I was still on my bed. Shaking. I do not know what to do. “Lord, save me. Save me, Lord.” My hairs were standing. Very cold. I felt energies around me. I stood up. Shook my hands. I tried to let the toxic blood in me flow. I was dripping cold sweats. “God, don’t kill my sanity.” I tried to lie down again. Prayed again. There it is. I saw strokes of blue light. A glimpse of light is a good sign. Something let me opened my eyes.

This is not good. Not good. I felt bad energy at the corner of my room. It was floating and wanted to touch me. “Oh my God.” My room was also in total darkness. I stood up immediately and switched on the lights. Headache. I shouldn’t have stood up immediately. Too late. Everything was spinning. I sat down and prayed. Deep, slow breaths. Deep, slow breaths.
My parents came into my room. They said they saw the lights and asked why I am still awake in the middle of the night. I tried to tell them everything.

I stared at the corner of the room. The energy was still there, but it has shrunk.

One hour has passed before I could sleep again. There were lights once again. Like of the sunset. Or sunrise. God bless us all.