Uber Etiquette: Religion and Politics

What two things are unwise to bring up at dinner parties? Apart from food. Correct. Religion and politics. In unfamiliar company at least. Take your pants off and go for it with your friends and family, in my humble opinion.

One day I was at a wedding breakfast. The adjacent lady told me that the current president is no good. I stupidly took the bait and made myself angry. Eventually I said, "we’ll have to agree to disagree." Then she talked about miracles.

This was at table. We were on even footing. In other words, neither had paid the other to sit there. That brings us to Uber. You’re in a metal box with a person you’re paying to drive you somewhere. What topics are they entitled to broach? My answer is no topics. Here’s a conversation I once had as a customer in a Las Vegas taxi.

Driver: "They say Obama wasn’t even born here. He's from Kenya."
Me: "I thought he'd produced his birth certificate now."
Driver: [silence]

The driver then told us we were likely to get stabbed or shot if we walked on the wrong side of the street where he dropped us off. A troubled man.

I care deeply about my Uber passengers’ comfort¹. I’m sure we have all been talked at by an Uber driver. But a professional driver has no right to engage the rider in conversation. Speak only when spoken to. And the rider has no obligation to talk to the driver, save for civility and final approach information. After a quiet morning last week, only my very last rider talked to me. She was a fronty, which is usually—but not always—a good sign they fancy a chat. Up until then I was just getting on with my job in a neutral manner. She was a nice bonus.

It’s really about emotional intelligence. Personally I greet the rider, say how are you, confirm the destination, then zip it. If they want to talk I let them lead the conversation. I’m like my normal self, only more diplomatic. More succinct. At least I try to be. Doing this job makes me feel like a better version of myself¹. I think the most important thing is to appear politically and religiously impartial, unless the rider opens me up. A handful of riders have opened me up very nicely indeed.

Religion is rarely discussed. I did have one guy say that his wife, who is more religious than he, forces religion on their children. It was hard to keep my anger at bay. When children are involved I become very emotional. But then we had an amazing debate about childcare and the role of the parent. Religion can only be impressed on vulnerable minds. Therefore a broad dialogue about parental responsibility—including the nurture of curiosity—is a positive way to engage. That particular ride ended with a friendly handshake.

The trigger for this post was a message from a friend who asked for help. He was in the back of an Uber. There was religious literature in front of him, in plastic pockets behind the passenger seat. He asked whether this should affect his rating. Ratings are a complex topic¹, suffice to say that I believe this to be a gross transgression of passenger privilege. You’re paying for a ride, not a sermon. I’m led to believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses are obligated to do this sort of thing, for fear of ostracisation. Perhaps that is true—in which case I have some sympathy for the driver—but after careful thought my advice was to dock a star and file a complaint. My friend agreed.

Politics, particularly in the current climate, is a more common flashpoint. Unlike religion, people are more likely to broadcast their political bias to anyone who will listen. Just look at Twitter for ten seconds—I’ve muted the mute the word 'T***p' in my feed and I still can’t avoid him!

Ubering in California, you can be fairly sure of transporting Democrats. One rider recently referred to "people who voted for Hillary" in a way that made me think he did not. I got the feeling he did vote though. He talked ambiguously about politics and his time in the armed services. He also wanted my opinions. Backed into a corner, I said people voted for Drumpf because he is different from countless previous administrations. More likely it's because he's a celebrity, but it was the most diplomatic thing I could think of at the time. It was a tense drive up the 101 to San Francisco.

On a lighter note, a woman from North Carolina was happy to talk politics, whatever my outlook. I started soft then went in hard. She said she pities Dumplings². She told me that Obama will do amazing things out of office. I told her that he dropped 26,000 military bombs last year. She said it's difficult being president. Classic chat. When I removed her luggage she purred, "thank you kindly, sir." Charming but misguided. Acceptable intercourse.

Other unsolicited verbal spillage is equally distasteful. My brother-in-law once traveled half an hour with an Uber driver who told him everything about her impending divorce. Then she laid out her business plan to run a shuttle service to and from Vegas because apparently it's cheaper than the air fare. He had no interest in any of this. Uber should deactivate her with extreme prejudice.

Ultimately, drivers must understand that their seat is not a soap box. It is a driver's seat.

I'd love to read about your own experience with this sort of thing.


¹ This is for another day.

² My word, not hers.