The Rancher and the Unicorn - Comedy Open Mic Round 25

"Unicorn." Little Annabelle said loud and clear. It was her birthday and like most nine year old she knew what she wanted.

Her father Jimmy looked perplexed and he had visions of a cob of corn trying to ride a unicycle.

He tentatively asked if the corn could be taped to the unicycle. He received a look of pity from his daughter who searched Unicorn on his phone and handed it to him.

A legendary creature (Oh boy) described as a beast with a single large, pointed, spiraling horn projecting from its forehead. Nobody who knew Jimmy could ascribe much imagination to this down to earth rancher but in desparate times a man has to delve into the recesses of mind which he had firmly locked and tossed the key in the pile.

His thoughts went to a rhinoceros and finding craft glitter.

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But there was more.

it was commonly described as an extremely wild woodland creature, a symbol of purity and grace, which could be captured only by a virgin.

Jimmy was sure as the hat on his head that he had more chance of becoming the president than finding a virgin in Colberry - the town he lived in.

Once his objective brain which had forgotten the lapse in imagination went back to normal, he realized that unicorns were rubbish. Soon after he had come to this conclusion, a person popped into his kitchen.

The girl was dressed oddly. She had on a hat, over-sized spectacles , a plaid shirt and an expression of utter boredom. Had he ventured outside of his little town in Texas, he would have known that she belonged to the hipster group of species.

"So, you want a unicorn?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"Er, yes."

"It's going to cost you."

"Are you a virgin?" Jimmy asked out of interest.

She pulled out her phone and snapped in a manner unlike her previous relaxed demeanor.

"Old guy is a perv. Yeah one of those weirdos who like virgins. uh-huh. "

" I thought only virgins caught unicorns, that why I asked." Jimmy shouted.

"Jeez that is so mainstream." the hipster shrugged as if to ward off the normal.

"So, the deal is we give you a unicorn but you go vegan for us." she said.

Jimmy looked at her blankly, "vegan?"

"No dairy, meat, only plant based stuff." she said.

Jimmy's mind had been through a lot in the past ten minutes and this seemed to be the last straw. The mind had quietly slunk of leaving an emptiness behind.

You could no more ask a rancher to become vegan than ask him to find a freaking unicorn for his daughter.

The great Texan Hipster Massacre happened shortly thereafter, one wonders if there was a connection.

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All memes have been created by me.