Running into doors - Comedy Open Mic Round 19


"Tinnitus." the doctor said solemnly.

"What?" I asked, not understanding a thing.

"TINN-ITUS" the doctor shouted making wild motions with his hands which he took to be sign language.

"I read your lips. I was just surprised as to how a deaf person could have tinnitus." I said coldly.

The doctor had the grace to look ashamed.

I took all his lollipops on the way out. Sucker.

Sound, it was an alien concept for me. I had a congenital defect that prevented me from hearing. As a child I'd wistfully hoped for a cure but I grew up and let go of that pipe dream.

Until yesterday when I felt something strange. I've experienced beats from speakers and vibrations from bells to know what it could be. This strange phenomena in my ear. Was I dreaming? But even in my dreams I didn't know what sound was until I heard it right next to my ear. I opened my phone and tried to find an app to play a song. Nothing.

Maybe it was an anomaly. So I tried hard to forget it. But I did see my doctor about it. That ass.

At work I heard it again and so did the people around me. Everyone started talking at once so it was difficult to read lips. But I read ringing and alien on people's lips.

Ah so the tinnitus was global. It was a little disappointing but I rallied. At least I'm not mad. The nonchalant use of aliens however made me feel a bit nervous. When did aliens become so mainstream?

I rushed back home, I just needed coffee, a book and the comfort of home.

My room was invitingly cozy, unlike the cold world outside, books lined the walls and a fluffy bed awaited me, where lay an equally fluffy alien. Wait. What.

The thing could only be described as an alien. It was human-like but had a pronounced nose, protuberant eyes and a drooling tongue. Their hands were emanating a kind of magnetic force. But they had no ears.

He took out a frog horn and held it over his head and fixed one over mine.

"How are you my son?" he said.

I need to cut down on coffee. Aliens shouldn't be calling me son. You know this stuff really messes up your nervous system.

Then I started pinching myself to get out of the nightmare. When nothing happened I started hitting myself. I'm not ashamed of it, sometimes a man has to hit himself to get out of a coffee induced alien nightmare.

The alien started looking concerned.

"My uncle Bob likes running into doors for fun. I can see where you'd get it from. But really don't hit yourself when you meet the rest of the family. You look peculiar enough as it is." he said.

When a malnutritioned goblin with a horn on his head calls you peculiar looking you're bound to throw a copy of Iliad at him.

"Look son, you're part Hamachi and part crazy it seems. I met your mother on earth when I was saving Uncle Bob from revolving doors. He discovered them on earth and refused to come back to Hama, our planet. Except that I got stuck too and your mother saved me. We fell in love but the atmosphere and the noise on this planet were effecting my health, so reluctantly I went back. She had you. I've wanted to meet you for years but my spaceship needed repairing. The hamachi process sound after filtering it , we have very sharp senses. I tried to sing to get your attention but apparently everyone heard it."

I listened to it open mouthed. Stunned. I realized I was able to "hear" him and I do like the thrill of running into doors.

I want to nominate @soundwavesphoton and @yidneth to add some magic to comedy open mic.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

wish i had tinnitus so i won't have to hear my wife nagging


Ask her to punch you

not sure why this reminds me of that StarTrek TNG episode when they keep coming back to the same room through a revolving door


that's why you should be a star wars fan


bitch! .....sending your a TeamAustraliaNZ upvote for that!

My goodness, I'm peed on my knickers 😂😂😂😂

Wow, that was fast! Lovely story, as always. Nice turns, you had me there a couple of times.


Thanks, I'm waiting for your story.


Working on it as we speak/write!

I think there is something wrong with his echo location.


Speaking from experience?


I see said the blind alien to his deaf son.

Nice story!
Maybe you should dedicate it to all those people that feel like aliens among humans :)


dedicated to @fotostef


great ...haha
love it

Nice. Very descriptive. Lots of action.

What on earth do you put in your coffee?


What's coffee?

A fun read @diebitch
My favorite line has to be:

I took all his lollipops on the way out. Sucker.