RE: Soliloquy for Circles - Writers Block Poetry Contest Week 6
Or softens
colors drab like
a glass of water.
And here already I wonder, should the "softens" be read as applying to the colours? That it softens the drab colours? Or is it a thought that is aborted, and then a new one begins immediately?
Is this criticism? No, it's critique. I wonder. Because this piece is full of such moments.
Even the first use of "By which I mean":
The day is old,
by which I mean
shipped out this morning
for it had started to turn;
The follow-up fits. As an ironic statement. But even so, it almost-fits, so you can consider it as a monologue full of monologues, of tidbits. Of circles that run tangents, that touch, but only just. As you go back and forth between thoughts, and divert to tributaries, before finding your way back to the main waterway.
I would cut the "By which I mean" in "I wore it like a coat," which is a lovely image.
And I see the allusion you've made to my cellar, and to those who don't know what is meant by that, it is a reference to a reference to River Styx. "I measured it in coins... beheaded kings, holding tight my eyes," which can be both about the way in which money draws our attention, but also coins placed over one's eyes as one journeys to the underworld, to the afterlife.
I like the feel of this piece. It reads awkwardly at times, but in a good way.
knowing me and my writing process, softens is most likely a product of the latter.
'by which I mean' was just about the least poetic phrase, so I wanted to challenge myself to build something around it. All the better that it was for the prompt it was for, but, yes, this is the story behind that ungainly tool. I love the piece I wrote with it, but probably won't be revisiting that turn of phrase / transition, as much as I enjoy playing with them this once, =-)p
Yes! I've been reading too much (by which I mean, just the right amount) of Guy lately and am happy to report that osmosis is all around us - hope you don't mind me rummaging around in your cellar, I may have dropped a coin or two.
D'aww, that's honestly the best I could hope for on this one. I was really pleased with a few of the phrases and especially the end. It turned out better than expected, by which I mean, awkward, but in a good way ^_^
"No," is the least poetic phrase, yet it births so much poetry.
Of course, "The dog pooped in the middle of the kitchen," try working that into a poem. Numerous times :D
It is nice to hear the logic behind that phrase being used, which goes to show part of why I don't write poetry for contests - I mean, constraints and phrases can seed poems all the time, but I don't want to feel as if I'm speaking over the poem, which I feel it sort of does here.
And I sure don't mind. I'm of the school of thought that there are no new stories, just new ways to tell them. I mean, if I am not ok with you drawing the cellar from me, who am I going to apologize to for using River Styx? :D
And yes, I'm also honoured, but even if you drew inspiration from someone else, that is the key point - inspiration, and what you do with it. Not whether it comes from within, or from a person, or from a specific piece of writing. It is all the same to me, and to art.
"By which I mean," there in the end, cheeky cheeky! :)