The Self-Aware Response To Difficult People

If you have to work with people you find difficult, it's best to learn how to respond and relate to them better instead of trying to change them.

o deal with difficult people successfully, you first need to learn how to manage yourself. This means being self-aware. When you know what triggers you and how you typically react, you can build skills to make your interactions with others more productive. So next time another person does something to trigger an emotional reaction in you, pay attention. If that feeling is positive and productive – great! But when you feel intimidated, annoyed, frustrated, or angry, others will sense it, you will show it, and you may even internalize it.

The good news is that it's possible to "flip" your response into something more productive. To do this, you have to first identify what you're actually feeling. Consider Julia's situation. She's just been insulted by her boss, Seth, in a meeting. He told her the report she's working on "will be too much for her" and suggested handing it over to another colleague. Julia takes a moment to reflect after the meeting. She knows her boss has pushed her buttons again. She notices that her heart is thumping and she feels humiliated.

However, she also recognizes that she feels this way because her boss is rude and lacks leadership skills. She e-mails him later that day to thank him for his suggestion, and informs him she will complete the report later that week. Julia can't change her boss, but she has preserved her dignity through self-awareness

So how can you flip your response around using self-awareness? You can follow three steps. First, slow down and take note of how your body is responding to the emotional trigger. It could be that you're breathing too hard, or you may notice your heart is beating a little too fast. Ask yourself, "why is this person's behavior making me respond this way?" By recognizing the physiological changes taking place, you are demonstrating self-awareness.

The second step is to examine your own feelings without judgment. Admit that you may feel embarrassed, diminished, unappreciated, disrespected, or fearful. But don't judge yourself for these feelings, just notice them. The final step is the consciously move from reactive, negative feelings to a thoughtful, reasonable response. To do this, you need to nudge the unconscious, reactive, primal reactions into a thoughtful and reasonable part of your mind.

By managing your emotions in this way, you'll be able to transform a negative response into a more positive one.

I have been teaching and training agents, team leaders, supervisors, managers and admins of call centers and other businesses in BPO related field. This series, comes as a result of that experience. I have more than 4,000 modules that I plan on sharing here. This is # 001-03