The soul-searching question of What Makes You Human from @TribeSteemUp
First thoughts are:
Not being a robot.
Being you in a world that doesn't want you to be you.
Being true to yourself.
I knew a long time ago that I wasn't like other people, I didn't have the same dreams and ambitions.
Around me, they all talked about riches, big houses and fast cars.
The only fast car ride I really enjoyed was in a back of a police car.
I wasn't naughty though, it was just an opportunity presented to 'experience' the job that police had to do.
But me behind the wheel - no thank you.
50 lessons and little improvement kinda of showed me driving wasn't for me, at that time anyway, I may try again one day if I get over the fear of sitting in the driver's seat. Well it's not just my own driving I'm fearful of, but other peoples - I can control my part, but you have to trust other people behind the wheels of machines, that's something I find hard to let go of.
But it feels like everyone else can drive, then why do I have so much trouble? One of the questions that I ask myself a lot.
I wanted a gypsy caravan with a Shire Horse and someone to share that with, that was my childhood dream. I loved shire horses, there were so big, majestic and gentle. Theor soft brown eyes are the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.
That dream evolved into a riverboat, but the freedom of not staying in one place always appeals, still does though it has not come into fruition yet.
The thought of homeschooling and being with my children 24/7 (maybe selfishly) would make me crazy, as well let's just say even writing this article was not done without 60 interruptions, so I need to be able to earn a living as well that needs to be from my laptop, but I have a plan when I have a moment to start implementing it.
Summer holidays when kids at home might not be time to start it, but going to France in a couple of weeks to visit my Mum, so will start in earnest then.
But, if I had/found a community or partner to share that responsibility or dream, then maybe, just maybe. Just need to be able to get to that position, tie up loose ends etc.
That is what human is all about having these dilemmas, working out what to do to get to your goals or dreams, or just giving up and letting life take you like a leaf on a waterfall.
Being human means you have that choice. You can do the same as everyone else, or you can pursue your own dreams and if they really are the same as everyone's else's, then great, if they are not, well that's cool too.
As long as it is what you want.
To be Human is to be you. And on that journey, hopefully, you meet like-minded people too.
And if you don't then well, it is not something that can be forced too much else it ends up being fake, you are being true to yourself too.
I don’t try to fit in anymore.
I made decisions like not to pick up the Scottish island accent when I was 7, and keep my English one, I picked the opposite teams to support then I'm supposed to, because I didn't realize the religious connotations of picking one over the other.
Even when it resulted in being pretty much ignored by everyone, bar a couple of other in the 'not cool' crowd, I didn’t bend.
I was with my ex-husband for 13 years, but there I was fake, as I didn’t want to admit that my feelings had changed and it was only when I couldn’t take ‘pretending’ any more that I snapped and that took 7 years, as I didn’t want to hurt him or our family.
In the end, it would have hurt more, if he stayed. I realize that. The atmosphere in the house was always thick with tension and now it is not. I became a caged bird and the resentment was phenomenal.
So I have been working on improving me and getting where I need to be in last 18 months and probably have made more progress than last 10 years. The rediscoveries of who I am I have taken me a little by surprise, now I’m not just wife and mother.
I have tried a bit to get on with the other mothers, but they just run each other down, when backs are turned. That just steals my energy away.
So I turned to Steemit and have met some awesome (and some not so awesome I have to admit, but mainly awesome) people that renew my faith that relentlessly wanting to go my own way and also the natural want to help people is not so weird after all.
Maybe I will get to SteemFest3 and meet some of these people face to face, that would be crazy and so so scary and way out of my comfort zone, but maybe I need to do it.
But to me to be human, is to be an individual and I'm learning to embrace that and like who I am (finally).