Holiday In Phang-Nga! Part 6, James Bond Island.. Break Me Off A Piece Of That TOUR-IST-SCHIZZ!!!

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Give me a break...Give me a break.... TAKE IT AWAY ANDY!!!!!!

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So yeah, tourist schizz. You can't go to Phang Nga without going to James Bond Island. Well, that's what everyone was theatrically telling me anyway! I'm not really a big fan of James Bond, so I nodded politely when people would scream this in my face. The only problem was that the day tour was being advertised at 4200 Baht (nearly £100) I didn't fancy spending a hundred quid on something I pretty much didn't give a shit about. I'd much rather throw £100 at my nephews than at some generic Asian day trip where I had to smile and pretend it was a lot better than it actually was...

I spent a few hours with my stepdad (@badbadger) while he was volunteering at the rescue place and I spoke to Ton, the big boss guy at the rescue. He laughed at the fact I could communicate with him in Thai and we chatted about random things before I asked about the trip. He excitedly got on the phone and booked me in for tomorrow, saying he 'knew a guy' (when someone uses this phrase, things never go badly...) I asked him a couple of times how much it would be, but he kept avoiding the question and smiling. "Oh shit, this is going to cost a fortune." I said to myself.

I went off and did Lewis things, then as I came back to the rescue centre Ton pulled me to one side, talking very softly and shyly about how much it was going to cost me. I braced myself, ready to apply for loans at 3 separate banks.

"You will have to pay a few hundred Baht extra for the canoeing, but the whole thing will be 1000 Baht." He said apologetically.

"Oh go on then, if I have to..." I said sarcastically.

So 1000 Baht later I was dropped off by the boats and got on with some randomino. I made the mistake for saying a few pleasantries in Thai and the geezer assumed I could speak fluently. Within five minutes I'd heard his entire life story, not that I understood anything he said anyway...

After taking a few photos of stuff I assume everyone else likes, we soon got to James Bond Island. I was told it costs money to go on the island (it didn't) and that it wasn't worth going on. So I declined to go on the island, much to the confusion of Talkbot 5000...

Then we spun around and headed for a floating village (I'll elaborate on that in my next post) and we then headed back. I was told it was a whole day trip, including canoeing through the caves (which I was told was the highlight of the tour) so I was slightly confused. There was an energy in the air that suggested the day was over, so I asked him (for the fifth time I might add) if we were doing the caves and the canoeing.

He seemed reluctant to go because apparently we'd already passed it and was kind of hinting for me to say "No problem." But I wanted to go, and after a few awkward smiles and huffs he took me to the canoeing.

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It was good, but it definitely was much better if you went as a couple. It was very romantic with many couples getting gorgeous profile pictures showing the pinnacle of their relationship, whereas I was canoeing singing "One is the loneliest number" like Lisa Simpson (click the video before you get weirded out by the eyes...):

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I still enjoyed myself though. I was told you had to tip the canoe guy before I got on, and it felt very mafiaesque when as we were pulling in some big Thai guy rowed past me saying sternly "You tip him!"
Whatever, it's only 100 Baht. Take it and I never have to see you again. You probably need it a lot more than me...

Then I tipped my boat guy 200 Baht; 100 for the day and an extra 100 because I felt bad having to make him do two trips and I thought at least I know I've covered his extra petrol and then some. I was still in holiday mode and again thought that this guy would appreciate it more than I would. He snatched the money off of me and didn't give a shit. He didn't even smile. I'm such a good judge of character...

So overall it was definitely worth it because I paid a quarter of what other tourists would pay. (See, it pays to learn Thai! Well, that and know a guy who knows a guy, who sleeps with a girl who is married to a guy who is cousins with... Well you get the point.) I wouldn't recommend it if you are paying 4000 Baht though. It was breathtaking, but remember we are in Thailand; pretty much the whole country is breathtaking! You don't have to spend £100 to see beautiful sights, you can literally just look around you and it's everywhere. If you are a huge James Bond fan then sure, stump up the money and orgasm in nostalgia. But 4000 Baht is well overpriced for what it is.

Oh, and go with someone. Preferably someone you feel comfortable kissing on the lips...