The Shittiest Coffee I've Ever Had

I had the shittiest coffee I’ve ever tasted in my life. I can’t even begin to tell you how shitty it was.

Maybe even the shittiest you’ve ever had.

You know how I know?

Because the beans literally came out of a cat’s butt.

Yeah. So, next time you’re thinking of a cool unique date idea, maybe you should take your date to drink cat butt coffee.

It’ll definitely be an experience he/she will never forget. I can send you some in the mail if you need to impress someone, haha.

The cat is called a Luwak, or a civet cat in English.

Yeah, I don’t know what a civet cat is, either. I was just trying to sound smart. It looks like a mongoose or a ferret to me.

It looks like this:

Super inviting, right?

Can you imagine being so desperate for coffee that you see a Luwak poop it out and think “Yeah. I want that.”

That some seriously extreme coffee addiction right there. I’d say the first people to do this probably needed an intervention.

How addicted to coffee are you?

If all of the sudden, the entire world ran out of coffee, and you had to collect coffee berry poop and wash it off and roast it… would you do it to get your coffee fix??

Or would you kick the caffeine habit?

For me, I’m not actually among the millions of coffee addicts in the world. I love it, but I don’t drink it much (unless it’s decaf) because the caffeine literally makes me play leapfrog with people.

I get so shaky and uncontrollably hyper that I seriously do that. Last time I drank caffeinated coffee, I called up about 8 different friends asking people to play leapfrog with me until someone finally said yes!

So yeah…that literally happened. As an adult.

Despite this, I still REALLY wanted to try luwak coffee because having new experiences are some of my favorite things in life.

I’d rather have experiences than things. I’d rather have shitty coffee than buy a new pair of shoes.

Anyway, do you want to know why people started doing this in the first place?

It’s cause Dutch people in the 28th century were exporting coffee from Indonesia and wouldn’t let the plantation workers have any coffee beans at all for themselves, which I think is super rude.

But, the joke’s on the Dutch people. Because despite being so shitty…Luwak coffee is actually higher quality than the regular coffee that the Dutch were having.

Ha. Joke’s on them. That’s what they get for being rude. No poop coffee for them.

So, the luwaks were going all around the jungle, eating the coffee berries. But, they swallow them whole and can’t digest them entirely.

So, the partially digested beans are what they poop out and somehow it magically makes the coffee taste better.

It was super cool that I got to try it.

There are a lot of Luwak places in Bali, but this one was very close to the infamous rice terraces in Ubud. It’s called Alas Haram.

You literally couldn’t miss it if you’re driving a motorbike there (which, I’ll say again if you’re going to drive a motorbike, use maps.me for directions. It’s a lifesaver and works without wifi).

This place was awesome, because they gave us about 16 different types of tea/coffee to try, as well as a cup of Luwak coffee and regular Balinese coffee to compare it to.

All for about $4 USD. Plus, we got a tour explaining ALL the poop things.

Literally one of the best deals I think I've scored in Bali.

So...I have this stuffed animal poop. I call him my traveling piece of crap. I ALWAYS forget to take pictures of him, but thankfully not this time!!

Which was perfect, considering I was at a place that serves pooped out coffee beans, haha.

One of the workers, Oka, LOVED my piece of crap. We ended up laughing and playing around with him and having the best time.

They had a cool glass floor!

And also this pretty view:

And this "unpretty" view of coffee beans with some poopy still on them:

Trying to imitate the statue: