Silence and Darkness
The silence, it's screaming in my face. I think it's trying to make me do something. The darkness is engulfing me.
I try and fail. I can not hear it properly now. it's unintelligible to my ears. I can only feel vibrations. I think it's fading away, the stream of sound. maybe it too is like me. maybe this stream too flows in bursts and swindles down to streaks, mere lines after a while. the image of a dying and almost dry stream reminds me too much of the faded tear marks on your cheeks, below your eyes, they have dried down in perfect symmetry, every curve and every patch of straight line is the same as the ones on the other side of your face, after all, you do have two eyes, it would be a disgrace to God if they failed to produce duplicate tear marks. they have made permanent impressions on your face and in my head, I think. I feel that your tears flowed like rivers full once. but now the source of the stream has died out and they have stopped. the ravine does remain though. it's going nowhere. I think it is the most permanent feature of your face. two streaks from the end of your eyes down to your jawline. they seem beautiful to me. I think it is perhaps because I think you're beautiful and I'll adore everything and every change of yours. why do you keep changing? I fear that one day I won't be able to keep up with you and I'll fall behind. God forbid if that day does come, I'll break. because I've fallen in love with the idea of constant and continuous change. And if it happens I would be proven to love something which is beyond my strength of comprehension. I think that I don't love you, I just love myself and you remind me of my self.
The stream of sound is nothing now, it has completely died out. I wish it had not and I still had something to write about. the silence chokes me and the darkness tears at my eyes. my vision is dying out, just like the end of a midnight cigarette.
I'll go out soon.
The wind is refreshing to my body but
my mind remains in it's state of constant agony.
The floor is so soft, when I let my breath out, it hugs me, I think it's pulling me closer to itself. I feel like crying. I do, but doing so too disappoints me. the tears are not there, they are not flowing. I think they too have stopped.
I put my my finger, first on one then the other side of my face and then, I trace lines from the edge of my eyes to the end of my jaw. my touch leaves depressions, and my fingers form gullies on my skin, I feel that I'm sinking like my skin is. I think it's time to go.
the silence is still there, the darkness when I close my eyes is now comforting.
and then, I press Repeat.
Jbtw, I got this picture from facebook.