Warm morning sunshine
Good morning from New York!
I’m starting to wake up to start the day, making loose plans with @kommienezuspadt and pondering over the rocky start of our trip. There was a lot of pent up frustration from the morning which blew up late that afternoon. Translation, I turned into the biggest brat. There were certain ‘annoying’ conditions that perfectly aligned with one another, causing me to overreact. Trust me, I usually have a level head and control over my emotions but yesterday was not the day.
I’ve been battling through my own self-esteem issues, over my skin, and I finally cracked under pressure. Yesterday, while my sweetheart was busy taking photos of a client, I was stuck in a drugstore searching for gluten free cosmetics. I was hopeful that I might find something that would hide some of the redness in my skin. I haven’t gotten much rest so my skin has started to act up. If I were traveling alone or with another girlfriend, meeting people I know then I wouldn’t care but it’s different when I’m trying to make a good first impression.
I tested some of the cosmetics which began to irritate my skin. It was not a good situation. I’ve got sensitive eyes and skin so that really pissed me off. Then I get a text saying that I should come check out this view and I knew I’d be forced to say hi to someone new. I had to get a grip and remind myself to be a professional. Side note: It was obvious that I was in a bad mood which caused somewhat of a spat between the lover and I.
It took a lot for me to turn the day around. It’s laughable that I ruined my own day because of my vanity. Before we set off towards New York, I had thought to leave all my cosmetics behind with this ‘fuck it’ attitude. Then I circled back and was trying to convince myself that I ‘needed’ this which is the cause of my problem.. Should’ve went with my first instinct to avoid all the unnecessary emotional bullshit that I created for myself.
I felt a hundred times better after a cold shower and a long needed stretch in bed. Earlier that evening, @kommienezuspadt brought me to Kinokuniya Books lift my spirits and I picked up the first volume of “The Girl from the Other Side” by Nagabe. I got to reading it and instantly fell in love with this sweet fairytale about a girl who’s left behind by her kin and the monster who cares for her.
We all have these moments, especially we women, where we want to look our best, but then get mad at ourselves for thinking, 'why do I care?' but then realize it's fine to care because how we want to represent ourselves is our choice and back and forth. And having to try out new skin products seconds before, that can't be good.
As I mentioned in @kommienezuspadt post: The fact that you can have a blow up and then still enjoy your day is a testament to the strength of your bond.
And at least you got to go to an awesome book shop, I'm craving that right now!
My mother taught me that I should always try to look my best and those values transitioned into my professional life so it’s hard to snap out of it. I’ve always used makeup to help me look fresh because I know how weary I appear without it. Today, I’ve gotten around slapping makeup on my face and settled for a bold eyeliner look. I’m going for the ‘sleepy grudge’ look. :D
We tend to fight when we’re rushed and the communication isn’t fully there. We’re both on different sides of the map when it comes to problem solving but it keeps our relationship healthy and our bond gets stronger after we talk through it.
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