How KNP Changed My Perspective on Life

This is a true story of how KNP helped me heal from depression. I had just quit my job and set off alone on a camping road trip across the North-east (India), seeking some sort of vision which would help guide me through the next chapter of my life. The following trip report recounts that magical day spent at Kaziranga National Park, North East (india), 2016.

About Kaziranga National park :- KNP in the Golaghat and Nagaon districts of the state of Assam, India. The sanctuary, which hosts two-thirds of the world's great one-horned rhinoceroses, is a World Heritage Site.[1] According to the census held in March 2015, which was jointly conducted by the Forest Department of the Government of Assam and some recognized wildlife NGOs, the rhino population in Kaziranga National Park is 2,401. It comprises 1,651 adult rhinos (663 male, 802 are females, 186 unsexed); 294 sub-adults (90 males, 114 females, 90 unsexed); 251 juveniles and 205 cubs.[2] Kaziranga is home to the highest density of tigers among protected areas in the world, and was declared a Tiger Reserve in 2006. The park is home to large breeding populations of elephants, wild water buffalo, and swamp deer.[3] Kaziranga is recognized as an Important Bird Area by BirdLife International for conservation of avifaunal species. When compared with other protected areas in India, Kaziranga has achieved notable success in wildlife conservation. Located on the edge of the Eastern Himalaya biodiversity hotspot, the park combines high species diversity and visibility.

I managed to pull myself out of bed by 6:15am in order to get to nearest airport as early as possible to increase my odds of securing a campsite. The drive there was beautiful as I watched the sky slowly illuminate to a red glow, casting a gentle light . As I left the town of Mumbai and headed toward Assam, the gateway town to the Kaziranga campground of Guhuwati, I had to keep my eyes peeled for the tiny, discreet sign for KNP Road on my righthand side. There was no mention of any national campground, unlike every other nook of the park which was clearly marked. I was glad to explore a lesser-visited region of the park as I began ascending to the 7,500 foot elevation campsite, which I later found out was only established and acquired by the park service in 2014.

Along the way I restrained myself from pulling over but a few times to photograph the stunning undulate, umber and maroon rock forms in the morning light, knowing full well that the longer I lallygagged, the slimmer my chances would be of getting a site. After driving out maybe thirty miles from Guhuwati, I finally saw a brown national park sign indicating that the Kaziranga Campground was only a little over two miles away; I took the righthand turn down a bumpy unpaved road, which by now felt entirely familiar and part of the adventure of going into the back city.

I pulled in, hoping the odds would be in my favor… success! Two sites had just been cleared out, leaving only four others occupied. Remote, indeed. There was obviously no running water but I was grateful for the pit toilets fully equipped with hand sanitizer — practically a luxury. I pulled into site 1, which was closest to the road, albeit a little traveled one. Still, site 2 seemed a better option, adjacent to a path toward the overlook. I parked in front of the fire pit and got out to register my license plate and duration of stay on the park roster. As I was logging my info, I overheard a man ask his buddy, “Do we have to pay for our site??” His bro then replied, “No, it’s free — pretty sweet, actually.” “Oh, well I was lookin’ at that lady over there…” That lady. Hmph. I started to set up my tent and was silently mocking their bellowing conversation punctuated with YEAHHHs and YA KNOWs and obnoxious belts of laughter. I would think that the types of people coming out to secluded areas would value privacy and relative peace and quiet, but it seemed these two had no awareness that they were disturbing the entire campground with their loud, echoing conversation.

Picture capture from my room

I got to the car and unpacked my thermal pants and shirt, layering up for what was sure to be a long night. Taking advantage of the last hour of sunlight, I pulled out my outdoor stove that a friend had lent me and I heated up a can of organic chicken and dumpling soup which I devoured, ravenous from hardly having eaten that day. I rinsed out my tupperware and packed up my gear back into the car before locking it up for the evening. Not wanting to interact with the bros at their fire pit, I crawled into my tent, exhausted and desiring sleep but knowing full well it would be extremely unlikely that evening. It’s hard enough to sleep on acid after tripping at home, let alone in a new environment, in the cold and in my confining sleeping bag. I tossed and turned, laughing at my predicament, trying instead to appreciate the humor of my insomnia. It was worth it, though, it was all worth it… Visions floated across my eyelids: fractal aspen trees, botanical imagery, my ten year old self in Hawaii wearing a yellow bathing suit, frowning, uncomfortable with her body and feeling alienated from the other children playing in the waterfalls, my sister at home weeping. I felt compassion, but not pity, for her depression. I remembered a dream I had had the night before, one which I only vaguely recalled but the emotion behind it was retained. In it, I was talking to a high school friend of mine, and we were having a long and melancholic conversation by nightfall. I felt, remembering the dream, a sense of departure from that adolescent self, a release from the girl who demanded I keep score, hold grudges, believe in my own victimization… I let it go. I let her go… ...An image of condensation along the ceiling of a dimly lit cave, slowly following the vector of gravity, finally blobbing off and falling freely as a single drop of water: my individuation at last, free from the mother and yet made of her. Departing and no longer fixed on carving out an identity, I will simply be. Without definition, without limiting parameters of who I can and cannot be. I shall transcend my own self-imposed limitations without any attachment to the outcome, without appraisal of my success or failure, for there is no such thing. I am nothing… and I cherish my life. Gratitude. Sometime around 10pm, I heard Jason come over and holler that I should join them if I was around, so I called out, “Thanks, I think I’m going to conk out for the evening though — good night!” For the next few hours, I tossed and turned fitfully in my tent, absolutely unable to fall asleep, instead entertaining myself with impish scenarios. What if I ducked over to the car and honked the horn incessantly in the middle of the night?? What would the other campers do? And then in the morning I could apologize in a Russian accent, in broken English of course, “I’m sorry, my sister, she does this.” HAHA. Oh boy, I was losing it; I needed to sleep. The moon was shining brightly directly above my tent… and sometime around 3 or 4 in the morning, sleep finally claimed me after a most profoundly transformative day. A new beginning. The shaping, unification and renewal of my soul.

Few random picture

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