Camelid Coffee Chaos!

Let’s face it, rainy days are meant to be low key and chill—Especially if the rain is from a rather nasty typhoon off the coast of your location. So, what does one do on a soggy, blustery afternoon as it pisses down with a vengeance? Drop into a café for some nosh, but my friends and I didn’t want to hit up any old café (cough… Starbucks).

Nope. We braved the wicked winds to head to an alpaca café called Oia Art Cafe in New Taipei City. Now when I say “alpaca” I don’t mean a whole restaurant pimped out with cute anime-like alpaca décor. No, I mean this was a cute beach side venue with live, fluffy, crooked-toothed camelids! How can you not love alpacas? They’re like cotton candy with skinny legs and a goofy face.

There was a point when my merry quartet of friends began to question this adventure we were on. We damn near slid off the road a few times, and then when we finally did find place, we had to park mad far down the road. Me, my best friend Amber, our friend Dave-lad and Phillip waded through the partially flooded sidewalk clinging to our rain coats. Amber’s super power is finding obscure venues and rallying troops to go find them. My legs were getting soaked and we were all thinking, Amber this better be worth it!

As soon as we stepped in, we were greeted by the sight of a cria (baby alpaca) gracefully wandering the dining area. Amber and I immediately gushed “Awwww!!!!” The waitress gave us a basic rundown of the rules:
• Don’t grab the “sheep”
• Be careful they might kick
• Don’t scare them
• Only feed them snacks from the service counter

You know common sense for interacting with animals…

We got lucky there was only a few other people hanging out snapping pictures. Our table overlooked a group being terrorized by another older white alpaca called Snow. She was nibbling a woman’s Luis Vuitton bag. The woman’s reaction was pure shock and horror. I snickered as a waitress shooed Snow away (why would you bring something like that around farm animals?).

The menu wasn’t particularly impressive, but then again, no one was there for the food! Since I have a sweet tooth like you wouldn’t believe, I ordered some apple waffles and a latte. Snow the alpaca wandered back over and started taste testing Dave’s jacket with glee. Rather than freak out we used the opportunity to pet her and take pictures. We even fed her some little pieces of potato, yet she seemed to have a, shall we say addictive taste for my rain coat.

It was a hilarious feedback loop of Snow chewing on my rain coat, getting chastised by one of the wait staff, then her wandering away pouting. At one point I pulled it gently out of her mouth to find she had swallowed half the sleeve somehow! Suddenly it made sense why there were only two alpacas roaming the restaurant. I mean, they had at least 5 more housed in a little paddock directly outside. Could you imagine having to herd seven of them from eating the guests clothes all day?

Side note: I would so love that job! Alpaca café referee!

Finally, after a good 15 or 20 minutes of Snow attempting to digest my rain gear, she walked behind the service counter in the most gangster fashion: head tilted back chest puffed out and long stride. It was she said “Snow…out!” It was just in time too, because my plate of sugar coma had arrived.

“Oh, be careful.” The waitress said setting my food down. I assumed it was because the food was hot. She pointed to Snow who was drinking in a far corner. “This meal is her favorite she will try to steal it.”

My friends and I exchanged this look and kind of snickered not really taking this warning too seriously. We got caught up in conversation about the hike we recently took. It was peaceful for about like five minutes before I felt this tickling sensation on my back. Like a giant puffy two-toed ninja Snow had begun eating my hoodie.

It was a rouse! I didn’t listen! I had mere seconds to intervene before her fuzzy lips could snatch up my waffles. She wasn’t leaving without a fight either. My friend and I tried warding her away without smacking her. Snow was pissed and assumed her battle stance.

I braced myself for the one and only thing that freaks me out about alpacas and llamas: hocking a loogie. She had this murderous look in her eyes opened her mouth and made a sound deep within like a chain smoker coughing. Thankfully it was like a warning battle cry because nothing happened (phew). She stalked away to receive snacks from a waiter yelling her name.

I quickly ate to avoid future confrontations. I eventually followed Amber outside to the paddock. We carried handfuls of veggies to feed the other little goats, donkeys, and alpacas taking shelter from the raging rains. It caused a bit of commotion as each animal vied for the tastiest treats.

Eventually Snow and I made up and allowed us to show her some love. When more families began flooding in we decided to saddle up and take off. With a sigh, I donned my phlegm soaked rain coat and cringed my way back to the car.