You Know Korea Is Your Home When... the compilation
I lived in South Korea from 2008 to 2013. After five years of life in Korea (and almost five years away from Korea), the country still has a special place in my heart. It’s where I got my start as a blogger. It’s where I caught the travel bug that I still have today. It’s where I met my now-wife, and where we traveled during weekend-long dates while getting to know each other.
From 2009 to 2012 I wrote several ‘You Know Korea Is Your Home When…’ types of posts — similar to the classic ‘You might be a redneck if…’ joke. It doesn’t really fit the One Weird Globe style any more, but they were too funny to delete. I’ve decided to move them to a single post and organize them by category for the sake of posterity.
You Know Korea Is Your Home When…
Alcohol
- You chase the guys in suits away to sit in the plastic chairs outside of convenience stores.
- Watching drunk ajosshis stumble down the street is a form of entertainment.
- If you no longer groan when climbing the stairs to your favorite 3rd floor bar.
- If you love the watery eyes of flushed look when Koreans drink.
- Korean beer starts tasting good.
- The wine selection at E-mart looks like a treasure trove of possibilities after awhile.
- While out with friends, you notice the sun coming up – then follow them when they go for breakfast.
- When you drink beer while walking on the street (BONUS POINTS: while dressed in the same clothes you taught in)
- Cass has become your staple beer.
- You end up at a Nigerian bar with two Iranians and a Filipino at 6am.
Eating / drinking / food
- You’re no longer tempted to reach into the fish tanks outside of restaurants and grab one.
- You can name more than 3 brands of ramen.
- You’ve memorized how much your favorite drink and snack cost at the convenience store. [Author’s note: 2,350 won = 500ml Coke and that small box of stacked chips…]
- American businesses around you (Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King) stop surprising you.
- If you happily eat soup from a shared bowl.
- If you’ve figured out how to eat cake with chopsticks.
- You stop picking off corn or sweet potato on a pizza.
- Your grande Caramel Macchiato cost more than your average Korean lunch.
- You’ve mastered the art of eating a cake with chopsticks.
- You eat noodles with a 70-year-old woman and twigs found in the forest.
- The kimchi you made is preferred to your Korean friend’s mom’s kimchi.
- When the staff at your favorite restaurant know your order without your even saying it.
- You go to a Western restaurant and ask ‘where are the side dishes?’
- You argue with a restaurant’s staff over why they can’t serve you something – in Korean.
- Pigs promoting pork products no longer seems unusual.
- You prefer the 300 won coffee from a machine to the 4,000 won cup from Starbucks.
- When you finish your kimchi and ask for more.
- You’re better at cutting food with scissors than a knife.
- If you can’t remember life before kimchi.
- If you take pictures of your food before you eat.
- When you crave Korean food but need someone to go with you
- You think more about the banchan (side dishes) or service than the main course
Korean language
- When you accept Konglish and stop trying to fix it.
- You can type in hangeul better than English.
- You understand Konglish better than English.
- Hearing any language other than Korean or English almost shocks you.
- Your English has actually gotten worse while in Korea.
- You accidentally use more than two Korean words while talking with friends back home.
- You can transliterate an English word to Korean without a second thought.
- You use more Korean curse words than English ones.
- You see a product with no Korean on it and you do a double-take.
- You create your own Korean slang.
- People stop complimenting you on how well you read hangeul.
- You’ve caught yourself about to say something in Konglish
Koreans
- When Korean women stop looking anorexic.
- Seeing a woman wearing flat shoes almost looks weird
- You’ve ever thought about marrying a Korean just to get the F-2 visa.
- You’re no longer surprised that Koreans can dance the Swing, Lindy Hop, Jitterbug, or Argentine Tango.
- You become oblivious to Korean staring at you
- Your shoes get slipped off faster than the Koreans you’re going out to eat with.
- When your knowledge of Korean history makes a Korean gasp in amazement.
- You actually begin to get along with the ajummas around you.
- You see a Korean woman with B-cups and think ‘My God those are huge!’
- You win an argument with an ajosshi.
- You say ‘my friend’ instead of ‘my Korean friend’.
- You’ve fought with an ajumma for cardboard boxes.
- Your gadgets / technology make a Korean feel inadequate.
- When women in their twenties no longer look like teenagers.
- A Korean ever says “you use chopsticks better than I do!”
- A Korean tells a joke (in Korean) and you get it.
- You’ve ever found yourself running to work – and you’re not alone.
- Women hiking in heels no longer seems dangerous
- People spitting on the streets is something you’ve gotten used to
Life in Korea
- When you instinctively know which can is for trash and which is for recycled.
- When you don’t move for the car but you move for the motorcycle.
- When you know the choreography to a K-pop song.
- You’re no longer surprised by the TV’s in vending machines, buses, or subways.
- When a holiday in your home country passes and you barely even notice.
- You leave Korea and actually miss K-pop
- If you’ve ever had more than one ‘dangly’ thing on your cell phone.
- Can instinctively find the English language section in any bookstore.
- You take bathrooms in stairwells for granted.
- If you play with Korean kids outside the classroom without a second thought.
- You miss the freedom and sensation of driving, but wouldn’t dare to drive in Korea.
- If you can name three Korean newspapers in English – without the word ‘Korea’ in it.
- See someone welding or cutting metal on the sidewalk barely merits a second glance.
- You become immune to the ajumma stare.
- You advocate the use of ‘same same’ to your friends back home.
- Your conversation with a local is interrupted by a lost tourist.
- You instinctively start taking discounts into account when using a credit card.
- You have more gyopo and Korean friends than non-Korean friends.
- The guy sweeping the floor at E-mart has an smartphone.
- You’re oblivious to the ‘no smoking’ sign right next to the ashtray in the bathroom.
- A ‘grand opening’ involves more flowers than four weddings and a funeral combined.
- The ‘homeless’ person sitting on the stairs in the subway has a smartphone and a brand-name pair of shoes.
- Not knowing your blood type is considered unusual.
- You can hum all six or seven standard Korean cell phone ringtones.
- Almost every appliance or electronic device in your apartment plays a melody.
- You find it almost impossible to walk a straight line unless you’re following the yellow footpath.
- You consciously avoid using the red marker for anything other than negative numbers.
- You wear a short skirt out in the cold, then put on your significant other’s jacket.
- Your eyes light up whenever you see a new product from your home country.
- Someone asks you where you’re from and you say somewhere in Korea.
- You walk around the naked part of the jimjilbang with total confidence.
- You know how to make kimchi without needing written directions.
- You use the sound of construction at 8am as your alarm clock.
- You enjoy the smell of kimchi wafting from your downstairs neighbors.
- You see a group of foreigners and conclude they look fat.
- You think seeing teenage girls in school skirts at 10pm is normal.
- If you’ve ever played ‘chicken’ with a motorcycle on the sidewalk.
- If one of your passwords is a Korean word or uses Korean letters.
The subway
- You can actually make a call while on the subway, in the subway station, in the elevator, or while on water.
- When kids walking or riding the subway by themselves no longer worries you.
- Someone tells you a subway name, and you look it up in hangeul.
- You naturally wake up right before your subway station.
- You have zero moral guilt about hopping the turnstile to change directions.
- You can tune out any subway seller.
- You know the location of every trash can at the subway station.
- You know a two-transfer trip across town will take exactly 47 minutes.
- If you can make a two-transfer subway trip without ever looking at the map
- If you’ve ever offered a Korean directions
- When you jostle for a subway seat with the best of them
- When you actually understand the entire subway or bus announcement
Teaching
- If you own more English / ESL / educational books than your school.
- Jumping in and getting started at a new school is preferable to sitting through a long training course.
- You accept the fact that seven-year-olds often have nicer cell phones than you do.
- Taking a sick day means you’re giving birth or you were run over by a car.
- You’ve learned more about the English language while teaching it than you ever remember learning in school.
- You unconsciously correct the English of complete strangers.
- You keep a toothbrush in your desk at school.
Traveling
- All the palaces look alike.
- Going to Itaewon is a culture shock.
- When you look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
- You find a place in Korea that doesn’t have hand phone coverage.
- You’re able to stay balanced on the bus, despite holding two bags and not holding the pole or handle
- The event you went to last weekend was one your Korean friend had never heard of.
Other
- When pink isn’t just for girls anymore.
- When toilet paper isn’t just used in the bathroom.
- When you have mastered the Korean squat.
- If you prefer the Korean squat toilet to the Western-style toilet.
- If, on second thought, you decide to type in English instead of hangeul.
- Your camera has a foot-long lens.
- The TV on your phone goes out and you’re outraged.
- You think you look good wearing a shiny tie.
- If you’ve figured out how to watch TV on your cell phone.
- You stop and realize how fast ‘normal English speaking speed’ really is.
- When you think it’s fashionably acceptable to wear a shiny tie with a shiny suit.
- You move home and begin to miss the ‘four distinct seasons’ Korea used to offer you.
- It takes more than a minute to think of something you miss from home.
- It’s normal to see kids walking on the streets unaccompanied after 10pm on a school night.
- You hit your legs or hips to loosen them up.