The Dogs Bullocks

Slowly Leo woke up from his anaesthetic dreams. His legs showed signs of spasms and his eyes opened one at a time. Trying to get up he fell right back down on his pillow. Tongue still hanging out of his dried out mouth. I walked up to him and stroked his back trying to comfort him. With an accusing look he told me off, closing his eyes to sleep off his hangover. I was the cause of his misery for all he knew.

Earlier that day I’d held Leo in my arms sat on the back of Nang’s motor bike. We were on our way to the vet to ‘ease him down’. All morning he had cried and moaned as if he knew exactly what was going to happen to him.

A two year old male dog doesn’t get much peace in a Thai village crawling with stray dogs on heat. Therefore it was decided upon that his balls were to come off. Alan, my friend and father of Kloster & Tiger – two lovely cats – and Lily & Leo – the dogs -, had to go to work so he was unable to accompany Nang on this dreadful adventure. I felt sorry for Nang having to go through this all alone and offered to join her.

So there I was sat on the back in the pouring rain trying to hold this dog, who looked for any opportunity to escape, with no free hand to hold onto the bike. But Nang was a good driver so we arrived at the animal hospital in good health.

Nang and me that is, because after a quick check up it turned out that the blood dripping out of Leo’s dick since the day before was due to an enormous tumour. Watching that bloody piece of weird shaped extra flesh was much more painful than what I was about to experience.

As Leo was hers and she couldn’t stand the sight of blood, Nang stepped out of the office/operation room (this is Thailand!) after Leo had passed out from anaesthetics. I held down the furry dead weight and closely watched this doctor’s every move.

But it was all right. This man knew exactly what he was doing and, to my surprise, explained all his actions in perfect English. The balls shaved it was now time for the real thing: the incision and the ‘cutting of the cords’.

My experience as a dentist’s assistant came in very handy now. I was familiar with watching live flesh being cut and blood seeping out of wounds. Therefore my initial fear of fainting was soon replaced by a genuine interest in the following proceedings.

The balls in a jar and the cut stitched up the doctor hastily left for a bird flu inspection tour on the farms in the area. Me and Nang drove back with this dead weight between us when we were stopped by a policeman for a license check.

‘Shit!’ we both thought, for the day before we had gotten a fine for not having a driver’s license (Nang is not Thai and therefore can’t get one, even though she is ten times a better and, what’s more, safer driver than most Thais).

But Leo’s bloody behind was clearly visible. The policeman’s face turned pale and told us to ‘pai loi, pai loi!’ (go, go!). Relieved, in more than one way, we laughed off our nerves and raced home.

Later that evening Leo stumbled over to my stool at the bar in the Salween River Restaurant and cuddled up against my leg. He looked up at me with his friendly dogs eyes as if to thank me for my help. I had made another friend.