Am I crazy?

I have never been good at first introductions, was never a fan of the whole "tell the class your name and one interesting thing about yourself." I always got nervous and then awkward and would end up saying something completely irrelevant to who I really was "Hi my name is Julia and uhh...I like wearing mismatched socks because I feel like it gives me good luck"

I mean yea I really do like wearing mismatched socks maybe because it does give me good luck and maybe because I am too lazy to match them after doing laundry. But the real point is here we are faced to define who we are every day. Job interviews "tell me a little about yourself" school "please introduce yourself" and awkward first dates "so where do you see yourself in five years"

Survey says: I have no f***ing clue.

So am I crazy?
Really, being a twenty three year old who evidently has zero clue who I really am.
I mean I know how I like my coffee, I know that I value southern hospitality and I know that I would be absolutely lost without my chihuahua, Bambi, whom stays glued to my side. But why do I struggle still with Bio/introduce yourself bullshit?

I do know that I was raised in the South by my mother (who was married three times, but thats a whole other article in itself) and my grandmother (who is almost as sweet as her homemade cakes) I had a step father who took me under his firm but loving wing and I met my birth father at the age of thirteen and finally had someone to blame for my flat feet and abandonment issues.
I tried the whole college thing out and also the whole engaged thing out and decided quickly neither were for me. (Both were filled with too many restrictions and made me feel broke, both financially and mentally)

And by age 21 I decided to pack up all of my college memories in cardboard boxes and load what I could in a Uhaul and drive half way across the country to either chase my dreams or run from settling (I still haven't decided which one I am going with)
I do find it funny how people tell us to think outside of the box, while everything we use to define ourselves can easily fit in them.

So I made it to LA booked myself a couple of background roles (you can ask for my autograph later) managed to get a gig bartending in one of the hottest night clubs in LA right on the corner of Hollywood and vine and even landed myself a spot on a reality show (another thing I might or might not discuss)

In LA you are never really forced to define who you are, maybe because everyone there is still trying to figure it out and in no hurry to "settle" and I was perfectly okay with that. I spent nights eating spoon full of cookie dough sitting on the kitchen floor with casual police sirens playing in the background while Bambi snuggled in my neck and also had nights spent sneaking in the back of award shows and events getting to meet some of the craziest people, and realized "wow they really are human just like me" when I saw one of them spill their drink as they stuck their chewed up gum in a paper napkin at the bar.

So, the good part about LA is the absolute zero pressure to build a future for yourself and to keep living life on the "I am still young and I am two shots deep and this Drake song speaks to my heart so let-me-live-my-life" side but then BAM you wake up two years later, still bartending at the not so hot anymore club still on Hollywood and vine and the only main difference is the couple of pounds thanks to the tubes of cookie dough you manage to still devour...which reminds me that I am running low.

And one morning you roll over and think to yourself "this can't be it, this can't be what living feels like"

So I decided to sell my beloved jeep whose miles meant memories (Penelope Cruzin you will be missed) trusted my mother to watch Bambi, sold what I could and stored what I couldn't and I booked a one way ticket out of the USA.

Disclaimer: I have only traveled outside of the US once and that was when I went to Cancun Mexico and stayed on a resort with 95% American people, ate American food, and felt like a sipping a Pina Colada listening to Spanish music was all the culture I needed. So I am not exactly sure that even counts, actually I am 100% sure it doesn't.

Within one month I was chasing this LA dream, trying out for Sports Illustrated and trying to decide which Netflix series to start binge watching to all of a sudden deciding I want to go to a foreign country with only what I could fit inside a backpack.

Am I crazy?
A wise person once told me "what would be even crazier would to end up being 24 and doing exactly what you were doing at 23."
So with that I decided my first stop would be Bali, Indonesia.

I decided I wasn't ready to define myself, but that I could pick up pieces of myself along the way. I want to learn different cultures, meet different people, and challenge myself. I decided that modeling wasn't a dream I wanted to chase anymore, but being published before I am twenty-five was one that I wasn't going to let go.

I hope that answers the question...yes, I am bit crazy, and yes I brought (most) of my mismatched socks with me and I am hoping they will give me all of the luck I need to navigate through South East Asia while trying to piece together myself.