Lessons From the Road: The Search For Happiness

“The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change.” - Anthony de Mello

There are great lessons to be learned from the book “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello, which I have read before embarking on a new journey. Most of us are in this neverending search for the real meaning of happiness, through relationships, success, or even travel - and yet we always fail to find it. When in reality there’s really nothing that should be done, no effort need to be exerted in order to find it. Happiness is a state that already exists within us, just waiting to be awakened.

My journey has taught me how it is to be really happy and how it is to feel alive. It could be as simple as just being in the present moment. Like as I hear the crashing of the waves while I stare at the sea, as I breathe the fresh air as I look at the beautiful mountains, as I hear the sound of my own laughter or as I dream under the starlit darkness. These are the pure moments where I just couldn’t explain the feeling. It was just being aware of the present moment.

Most of us are always in a rush, trying to get here, trying to get this or trying to be someone else. Then if we fail to be happy, we started blaming the others or the situation. We get stressed out, depressed, then we hit rock bottom. This is why a lot of people go through all the journey to find themselves and the real meaning of happiness.

“Wherever you go there you are ….”

I can say that even if we travel, we will still find the same thing about ourselves wherever we are. We will again try to change something in order to be happy. Even if we change our jobs, we change our location or we change our partners, we cannot be really happy if we don’t try to awaken that happiness from within first.

I had my fair share of ups and downs during my travel, nevertheless, I still love traveling. My worst day in travel is still better than my worst day at the job. Happiness is like that, it doesn’t really mean we are always smiling or always excited, at some point in our lives, we will experience hardships, failure or sadness. But we know that it is just a temporary state, part of going through this journey called life. The happiness is still there, we’re just taking a break from the thrills. See it as the other side of happiness. Why not embrace sadness, failures, and solitude - leave no path untaken. Be happy that we are being sad, be happy that we failed because finally, we are really experiencing what it means to be really alive.

I was meeting a lot of great people during my travel, those who have helped me on the road, those who gave me good experiences. But what happened when I met the ones who made me feel disappointed, the ones who gave me the bad experiences? Then suddenly I changed my view of people, I started stereotyping and labeling them according to my limited view. Then unhappiness starts. This is the thing, we always blame other people for our own unhappiness, when in fact it is us to be blamed. Why? Because of our limited perception of them. We see them through our eyes or as we want them to be. If we think that everyone can be an asshole, then we all can be. We only love people for as long as they are of benefit to us, for as long as they care, for as long as they give us what we want. When they stopped living according to our expectations, then we get hurt or angry.

It is easier said than done I know, because of our nature as humans. But perhaps we can practice it for our own inner peace and happiness. Why can’t we just see through people, and understand? We are what we are, so let us not be attached to our illusions of them. Let them be who they are. Focus more on just being happy from within and being aware - watch ourselves.

Watch ourselves as we speak to people, as we react to situations, as that is really being aware. When I get into a really bad argument with someone from a different culture or reacting very badly when I’m in a difficult situation, I had to suddenly stop and think, like wait. I’m not being aware again, I have to stop behaving this way. I told myself to "watch yourself as if you’re in front of the mirror."

I was adapting to constant changes as I traveled - new places, new people and new situation. It went like that for 4 years, and it was not easy. But this broadened my horizon and made me a stronger person. We don’t get attached to things, as we know that everything will end. We can just rejoice being in that moment, in that place and time, and that there will be more exciting things to come. We learn to let go and adapt to the next chapter. Because happiness is a state of not being attached to things, situation, place, people, desire, illusions - anything. There’s nothing to add in order to be happy because it already exists within us. We only have to drop our illusions, our expectations and our attachment to things. We just have to be aware. So slow down, take a walk. Stop rushing, look around and appreciate what we have. The beautiful mountains, the vast sea, the birds singing, the smell of flowers. We have everything to be thankful for. We have everything we need to be in bliss.