How to become “Londoner” by giving up a dream.

“My Dad says that being a Londoner has nothing to do with where you’re born. He says that there are people who get off a jumbo jet at Heathrow, go through immigration waving any kind of passport, hop on the tube and by the time the train’s pulled into Piccadilly Circus, they’ve become a Londoner.”
– Ben Aaronovitch, an English author and screenwriter responsible for the Rivers of London novel series as well as two Doctor Who serials.

What do you associate with Londoners? Poshness? Success? Fake sophistication? Complaining about how expensive living in London is all the time?

For the sake of this article, we need to clarify what it means to be a Londoner. Here, Londoner is defined as a person who considers London home and believes oneself as a part of London’s dynamics.

This is the story of me becoming a Londoner by giving up my career and becoming a loser.

I still remember my first day in London.
Just as the quote, I stepped out of the plane at Heathrow, went through immigration, and took the tube to Paddington where I was supposed to stay for a while before moving into my dorm. I tried to head to my hostel based on my almost-faded memory from two years ago. Obviously, I got lost. It was deep dark by the time I arrived there.
I still remember the taste of the cigar in the cold and lonely whether.

And, this mess was the beginning of my life in London.
My life there was simply as busy as it could get. It was because, aside from my Business and Social Study degree at university, I was pursuing my career as an actor. Once all the lectures and classes of the day finish, I always headed to the West End, one of the most famous and lively entertainment cities like Broadway in NY. At that time, I admired a certain theme park actor. (it was like a crazy love) To perform on the same stage with her in the future, I rushed through the city with a bag full of textbooks. On the way to my acting workshops or auditions, I passed by those who came here dreaming to make fortunes as an actor, those looking forward to all the plays this city provides, those with different backgrounds.
In short, West End is the place where dreams are made of.

However, this city sometimes shows its cruel side.
"Dreams on one side, lost dreams on the other side."
It is not hard to imagine I failed a number of auditions as I was literally no one in the industry. After all the failed auditions, there was just one time I proceeded to the final selection. Guess what? I failed AGAIN. That night, I cried. I cried a lot at the centre of West End. In West End, where dreams are made of. I was frustrated.
However, that moment, one really weird feeling came to my mind. Sense of belonging that was. For the first time ever, I finally felt I became a part of the city.

West End. The place full of self-professed entertainers. I was one of them and eventually gave up my dream.
Just by failing and crying, I could realize I became a part of the dynamics of London.

Since then, I often went to West End, not as a self-professed entertainer, but as a theatre lover.
Every day, West End showed its bright side, the brightest it can get. All the people came to this part of London, holding their dream.

My favourite "Prince Edward Theater" and "Bar Italia" nearby. West End in the dusk.
This city is like a person who experienced his ups and downs and finally gained freedom.

As time passed, people suddenly disappeared from the streets in the evening.

Then, West End regains its life around 10 pm after all the performance finishes.
Satisfaction and after-joy cover all over the place.
And I sat at the table of "Bar Italia" and sip a coffee, immersing myself in a feeling of superiority being "a failed entertainer."

This is how you become Londoner by being a loser.