An Unforgettable Ride on the Chicken Bus to Argentina

in travel •  6 months ago

It was a hot and dismal day. It was the kind of day where you don't want to get out of bed and hope the curtains can contain the sunlight that's flooding through your window. It was the kind of day that made you regret all the copious amount of alcohol you consumed the night before.


This is not a chicken bus

This was the kind of day I had in San Pedro de Atacama in Chile that I wished I could hide from. But it was a day that I had to catch a bus that ran only twice a week towards Iguazu Falls which was in another country, Argentina. So, I gathered my things, packed them all tightly inside my backpack, and while fighting a massive hangover stepped out into the searing sun. The heat consumed me almost instantly and I began to lose motivation to move my legs to catch the bus but I had to catch it.


The Atacama Desert

I knew I had a long journey ahead and the thought of it had become unbearable, I looked at my phone for the time, knowing indeed what the outcome would be. I was running late for my trip. I ran, desperately trying to ignore a massive migraine I had and I reached the bus stop just in time when it was about to depart. I didn't have time to scramble for necessities from my backpack when I threw into the storage unit with all the other passenger's bags.

My breath reeked of strong coffee and liquor, badly disguised with toothpaste that I used to hastily brush my teeth. I stepped into the bus hoping nobody would talk to me, so I wouldn't have to let anyone endure the stench of what would likely be a dragon breath. I scanned the bus for an empty seat hoping to god I would find an obscure part in the back where no one would be, so I can be alone with my misery.


How would you like to get inside the "Fany" bus? Only brits would understand

I took a seat next to a window midway to the back, because I like seats that allows me to see surroundings during a trip. The windows were murky and cloudy, so I ran my finger all over the dust spelling out the word "shit."

It was a premonition of sorts because my day was about to get a lot shittier.

Just moments later a lady came and sat next to me. She had chocolate brown hair that she wore well past her shoulders, her lips were bland, and her eyes belied her discomfort from the heat.

She was accompanied by her male companion who sat on the opposing seat across the aisle. They began a conversation about Argentina when the bus conductor yelled, in Spanish, that we're headed towards the great desert. Everybody awake. Everybody asleep. Their eyes, like mine, are bleary, reactions slow, exhaustion running through their veins just the same as their blood.

It seemed to take forever, to me and the passengers, for the old engine to roar into life. When it does, a strange feeling comes, not excitement, but at first, it appears that way. It's some relief, some fear, some grieving for the place they leave as the bus claws its way across the barren mountains surrounding the Atacama Desert.

There was an ongoing battle between the bus and the mountain with the latter clearly gaining the upper hand. Puffs of smoke billowed out of the exhaust as the bus can only manage five miles an hour on the steep tarmac pushed on by its decades' old engine. I relegated myself to the window and my seat, hoping to catch enough comfort away from the searing heat and blissfully fall asleep.

It was during the forty-five-minute mark on the journey when I felt my stomach started to churn. It felt like it was boiling, but not from the heat, but from the various combinations of alcohol, coffee, and intestinal fluids.

I had to go, badly.

It was an emergency of epic proportions.

I pulled myself up from my seat and excused myself to the bus restroom. The swinging movement of the bus and the ongoing road bumps have now magnified the intense chaos that is brewing inside my stomach. I raced towards the restroom balancing myself on every seat corners trying to prevent myself from falling. I reached the restroom just in time to avoid an embarrassing event that would have made it a very unpleasant ride for everyone.

It was there that I noticed the sign...

"NO NUMBER 2 ALLOWED."

No fucking number 2?!?

Who's the genius who came out with this smart idea?

The bus was meandering at a measly five mph as it struggles up the mountain and the next stop is hours away. I thought about jumping out into the desert, do my thing and then run to catch up to the bus. My stomach was in pain and there's no relief in sight. I was in a precarious situation, but a decision had to be made or an accident will happen. It was out of my control and nature was calling.


No cover in sight

Fuck it.

I relieved myself on the toilet, ignoring what the sign says. I bellowed out a sigh of relief as toxic gas and fluids exited my body. It tamed the turmoil that was my stomach. Satisfied, I looked around for a toilet roll to clean up what mess was made.

That was when I found out…

There's no fucking TP!


I frantically searched the bathroom for anything I can find. Just anything. Paper. Water. There was nothing. The bathroom was as barren as the desert outside. I had a pack of baby wipes, but I left it inside my backpack on bus storage compartment.

I was running out of options and started to become desperate. So, I did what any self-respecting gentleman would do and rummaged through the trash bin in the bathroom to find something I can use. There were a few used toilet papers that weren’t even fit for a human rear’s consumption and would only get me dirtier than I already was.

The only thing I can see was a wet white cloth towelette. It seemed clean. It was not discolored. I hesitated to pick it up as I navigated it towards my face to smell it. It didn’t smell like anything.

Well, here NOW is where I divulged the embarrassing moment to you fellow Steemians because I have trust in our little community and I trust you will understand…

I wiped my ass with that wet used towelette that I picked up from the trash can in the bathroom.

There. I had to get it out of my chest and now I feel relieved and I'm still STD free...


I wished I had Japanese toilette like this at that moment

I wonder what you would have done in this situation.

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness." - Mark Twain

All photos are taken and articles are written by Adonis Villanueva of Always Wanderlust unless otherwise stated.


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Thanks for being confident in sharing. It's not a laughing matter at the moment it happens but if we think about it, it happens to every single person at least once in a lifetime. BTW, you wrote the story very clearly and with all the vivid details from the beginning. Well done!

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Thank you :)

Looking forward to going to Argentina:)

Incredible views, must have been an otherworldly experience. That desert landscape looks like it's on Mars or something!

I wanto to know Argentina, I hope to this year. This post is very useful for me. Thanks

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Yes, you will bring your toilet paper!😉

LOL! I can relate except mine was being stuck in a traffic jam and the pain was so bad that I had visions of myself jumping out of my car (and leaving it in the traffic jam) to go find some highway bushes. Thank god there was a petrol station just 500 metres away, but the crawl there.... Man, I almost expired from the pain and anxiety of having to sell my car if the worst were to happen. This was just yesterday.

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Oh damn, for a minute there I thought your username was sharrted!

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LMAO! Having that name would be crappy indeed!

Loved the story. You'll forget many of the beautiful sights, but you'll always remember that story.
I would have sacrificed a sock to the dookie gods.

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Yep, this is an unforgettable story!

This post has been upvoted and resteemed! I started to follow you so I can see more of your work.

yes, yes I have done this, ugh!

That is my absolute favorite place to travel.

This is hilarious! I hate that it happened to you that way, but it sure made me laugh! Thanks for sharing.

Spectacular photos! Pass through my blog and enjoy my new content, greetings :D

You got a 2.61% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @adonisabril! Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!

You just had to "let it out", didn't you? Hahaha. We feel your pain, but these are the experiences we all laugh at now. The struggles of life! Thanks for your post, it was very entertaining (for us, maybe not for you). ;)

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Had to drop the kids!

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Great! Now, we'll think of "dropping kids" when we do number 2 😜 Hahaha

This post has received a 5.74 % upvote from @boomerang thanks to: @adonisabril

Enjoying travel ...... Thanks for sharing these great post

I've been considering going South for a while though... But with this post, it draws my attention more... Im seriously going to take shots from my trip

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South America is aight!

I love travale and yes argentina is such a good country

haahaha! I can't stop laughing! LOL! LOVE IT! "No toilet paper!" ahahaha!

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Not allowed!

i always like travel related post.. thanks for sharing

This post has received a 6.09 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @adonisabril.

Yes god

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I'm not god.

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Haaaaa I love stories like that. So real. It could have happened to anybody. It's really funny but I'm sure it was pretty SHITTY at the time.

Thanks for sharing that.

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You could say it's a shitty story :)

i like traveling

This post has received gratitude of 6.89 % from @appreciator thanks to: @adonisabril.

@adonisabril - The Atacama Desert is so Stunning!!! But travel along journey without on bus toilet would be a pain in the ass.

Thanks for sharing your Journey with us. :-)

Hah, this is so true. I mean, you did everyone on the bus a favor. I'ts either the toilet or...yeah...not like you just tell your body to stop and it does. Love the narrative, and followed!

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When you gotta go...

This is so great! Hope I can travel here also sooner! :)

lmao this might have been the funiest post i have read all week! It good to hear your ordeal ended successfully!! :-D

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Story has been "released" successfully.

This is certainly a shitty story. I hope you didn't stink out the bus for anyone too badly!

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I left it as it was...a shitty bus!

Congratulations @adonisabril, this post is the third most rewarded post (based on pending payouts) in the last 12 hours written by a Superuser account holder (accounts that hold between 1 and 10 Mega Vests). The total number of posts by Superuser account holders during this period was 1374 and the total pending payments to posts in this category was $13926.98. To see the full list of highest paid posts across all accounts categories, click here.

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Nice post. Doesn't look like you are getting the votes you deserve though. You should check out steemengine.

I would use my boxer shorts and then go commando under my pants :)

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I have but 5 underwear to a year travel around the globe. I can't afford to go commando :)

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Ok, then you did make the best possible choice at that moment. LMAO

your post is very good, I like your post, thank you

your post is very good, I like your post, thank you

your post is very good, I like your post, thank you

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Your comment is very good. I like your comment. Thank you.

That travel bus looks like it hides a lot of great stories and fun! Nice journey! :)

Argentina wow. I hope to travel the world myself later in life.

nice travel and place to visit! :)

I was instantly smiling when I was reading your Post.The way you write is egg-cellently genious,beast awesome brother !!

What a bad trip with awesome photos!

Cool episode. I actually love travelling . I could be everywhere year round.

OMG that's too hilarious! Thanks for taking me on your jouney... I think?!?

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Great post, I just stumbled across you! The Atacama Desert looks insane, can't wait to see more from you!!

Awesome photography dear I like your work, Thanks for sharing this story and enjoy your like good luck

Been there. No toilet paper

This reminds us on many many crazy bur rides during our time in Bolivia. Need to go badly ... thank god it didn't happen to me but on a ride from La Paz to Cochabamba there was this dude who really had to go (no on board WC). After begging the drive for the 5th time, he stopped. Dude ran out and dropped his pants right there, while the entire bus was watching.

I absolutely love the birds-eye view of that desert.

wow I cringed reading this story lol never heard of "no number 2" on a bus before

this sounds like a true nightmare! but when push comes to shove, you gotta settle for what there is. Luckily there was a toilet for you.

I feel like in a situation like this, there should have been a disclaimer before entering the bus

Since I carry around kleenexes in my sleeve like an old lady, i probably would have been okay 😛

Interesting narrative. I know what it feels like to be on a journey that if you had a chance you could have severed. Atleast you should feel lucky for getting to sit beside the window, it might have being a lot worse. Nice post anyway

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It was worse!

Good

You had me at the title... such a colorful post and so well written.

No TP on the Fanny bus 😂😂😂😂

What an adventuresome journey... Lovely photography too

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Thank you.

Oh it's terrible situation @adonisabril. If talk about me in my travels I always have some paper napkins, activated carbon, and some other useful drugs. But now I think I'll think more carefully about my travels and maybe I'll need to have a satellite phone.
Of course in this I won't go out from bus, and if I hadn't toilet paper I think I should find some wich can be used. can even part of clothes...

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It wouldn't be an adventure if random things like this didn't happen :)

No dueces on a long distance buses is actually a pretty solid rule. Especially for those situated on the bottom near the baños. Doesn't work out for folks in your situation but they usually take rest stops every once in awhile depending on the distance.

Anyways great story - I'm a sucker for comical poop stories in foreign countries.

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On a 20 hour bus ride? That's lame lol

Hahaha great narrative!