TO MY "ALMOST THERE",

I'm still in pain realizing that what we almost had is over. I waited for a chance, I waited full of tears, I waited while my face only wore a frown. As days passed, I realized that rather than reconciliation, I need acceptance. I need to accept that the love we can offer will never satisfy our hearts, not because it is not real, not because we love less, but because it wasn't the love our both hearts need.

I loved you. I will be lying if I say I'm not the moment you're reading this. But now, my love for you doesn't hope but now surrender. It was a tiring idea to finally decide that my love needs to have retreat but somehow it gives air. My heart needs air. I couldn't say there is no blink of hope hiding in me, I recognized it but it needs no toleration. I still think it is unfair that our fate doesn't give our love the chance to bloom and destined it to be forgotten, but any situation shouts that it happens for a reason.

I can still remember me, saying that I loved a certain person but it wasn't the same love I have given you. I hope you saw my sincerity saying how mad and genuine is my love for you. Not because I want you to regret but only because I want you to know that it was real.

I never regret opening my soul and giving my heart to you. Those years we've shared to each other were never wasted, during those years we learned. I learned that I lack on a lot of things and learned that it is not a flaw, I learned not to lose my self trying to keep someone, I learned that I need to keep 'me' when loving, I learned when to let go of what we love for what we need, I learned about my worth that should not be lost, I learned how trust is really significant and most importantly, I learned about how changes are inevitable. Despite what we've been through, I still consider those years with you as one of my bests, but I learned that there will be more. Maybe not with you anymore. As said, we avoid something but that doesn't mean you don't want it. Sometimes, it means that you do want it but you know it isn't right for you. I surrender not because I now love you less, but because I have to. I have to because it is hurting me, it is painful to bear and it will hinder me to prepare myself for what is waiting for me.

I want you to know that every words you've said were remembered, not to have something against you but help me fix myself and heal my own broken wounds, I will protect myself just what you have always reminded me. Don't worry!

Still with bitterness in my heart, I can't wish you happiness because I haven't found mine. That's self love But I want to say that I'm still praying for you. Last time, I prayed we last, and actually cried countless tears for that prayer to be heard, but soon realized that maybe He has a better plan for the both of us. I still consider you the good man, but maybe not the right man for me.

Yours for years,
Renesmee
2017
MSU